Confession 260: On Parenting

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him. 

Psalm 127:4

Lately, my children have been driving me crazy.  They're loud and demanding and stubborn and messy.  They question everything.  They're slow to listen, willful and always need to be in my presence.  Sometimes, I am tempted to go and rent a hotel room for the weekend so I can sleep and sit in silence for a bit.

My 4 year old is going through an especially trying stage.  The other day he threw a massive temper tantrum and was sent to time out.  When I went to talk to him about why he was in time out, the response I got was, "It's none of your business!!"  I fought back the urge to grab him and throttle him, opting instead to walk out of the room and shut the door behind me.  As he was screaming for me to come back, I calmly said through the door, "I'm sorry, sweetie, but you're not being safe right now.  Mommy will come back in when you show me you can be safe."  His response--toy cars pelted at the door.  "Ummm....that's not showing me you can be safe," I said.  It was a long evening.

Sometimes, as a parent, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and walk away.  There are days when I ask myself, "Whose idea was it to have children in the first place?"  I have a split-second of longing for the pre-children days. Of course, then I remember my good friends who have lost children and I think, "What in the he double hockey sticks is wrong with you?!  How can you take so much for granted?"  And then the guilt sets in.

Compounded with that is the guilt I feel about working full-time.  Part of me longs to be at home working so that I can get more accomplished here.  But, the other part of me wants paid benefits and a regular salary.  We need it, actually.  And, I'm not always good with my children day in and day out, 24 hours a day.  No matter how hard I want to be one of those mother's who is totally devoted to her children, I'm not sure it's in my DNA.  

Is there anyone else out there who struggles with this vicious cycle of parenting?  Am I the only one out there who doesn't dote on and adore my children every moment of the day?  Is it okay to want to run screaming from the house occasionally when my children are at their worst?

At the end of the day, I know my children are a precious gift.  We play and cuddle and laugh and create wonderful moments together.  I am proud of them, mostly, and see these sparks of God's Spirit within them.  I know they're good kids, and I know that the tantrums will pass.  As God is ever so faithful to me, so I will be faithful to my children.  I will trust in Him and listen to Him as I continue the journey of parenting.  It won't be perfect, because I am not perfect.  And, neither are my children. But I am going to hold fast to the knowledge that these children, loud, stubborn, messy, demanding as they are, are truly a heritage from the Lord.  And, my husband and I will do our best to make them a reward for Him.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 258: Gratitude

When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the Lord and to fulfill his vow,  Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the Lord, and he will live there always.”

“Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the Lord make good his word.”

So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him.

After he was weaned, she took the boy with her, young as he was, along with a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and brought him to the house of the Lord at Shiloh.   

When the bull had been sacrificed, they brought the boy to Eli, and she said to him,

“Pardon me, my lord. As surely as you live, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the Lord.  I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.  So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”

1^st Samuel 1:21-28

November is the month of gratitude.  It is the time we set aside before our season of self-indulgent excess to give thanks for all of the blessings we have.  And, for many of us in the United States, those blessings are abundant.  I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately.  I’ve been thinking about what it means to be truly grateful.  And I’ve come to the conclusion that there is a big difference between giving thanks and showing gratitude.  Thanks is easy.  It’s rote.  Someone opens a door for you and you say, “Thank you.”  You don’t even have to make eye contact.  My six year old son thanks me almost every morning for his apple juice in between large gulps.  He doesn’t even raise his head from the cup.  Don’t get me wrong—I appreciate that he says it.  But other than showing me he can be polite, it doesn’t mean much.

I think most of us can come up with a list of things we are thankful for.  I’m guessing if I asked you, yours would look a lot like mine.  I’m thankful for my husband, my children, my family, my friends.  I’m thankful for a job, for benefits, for a house, for food, for transportation.  I can say, “Thanks.”  The question I’ve been asking myself this year, however, is: Can I be grateful?  Can I look at my life and say to God, “You have given me more than enough.”  Can I let my gratitude fuel my actions?

The difference between giving thanks and showing gratitude, to me, is in the application of the sentiments.  While thanks is something we say, gratitude is something we do.  It is an action of appreciation we take when we are truly grateful for the blessings in our lives.  It is our cup running over and pouring out love to someone else.  

Gratitude is what Hannah showed when she took her most treasured gift, her long prayed for/longed for/agonized for son to the Tabernacle and gave him to God.  This child, Samuel, was the only thing Hannah had ever wanted.  Can you imagine the joy that filled her soul the day he was born?  Can you imagine how cherished he was?  How loved he was?  She could have said, “Thanks,” and moved on.  But instead, she chose to give something out of the fullness of her heart.  In gratitude, she handed Samuel over to Eli the priest, to be raised in service to the Lord.  She gave back to God what God had so graciously given to her.  And what amazing plans God had in store for Samuel!

The question I’m left with as I end this reflection is this: How can I show my gratitude for the blessings in my life?  For me, this means taking the time to literally show the people I love that I am grateful for them.  It means taking the resources God has given to me and using them to benefit others.  It means slowing down and enjoying what I already have.  It means taking my “more than enough” and giving it back to God for use in His service.

Gratitude is hard.  It puts others first.  It goes against the grain of our culture.  But I think, if I can get it—if I can show it—then my life is going to be a little more fulfilled.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 257: The Faithful One

Praise the Lord, all you nations;
    extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us,
    and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Psalm 117:1-2 

Over the past couple of months, since school started again, my faithfulness in my daily Bible study time has been fairly sporadic.  Most mornings I rush out the door five or ten minutes late and settle for K-Love playing in the background of my thoughts as I drive to work, instead of spending some quality time in the Word.  The problem with this, for me, is that it is in the Word that I find myself drawing closer and closer to God.  When I am daily devoting myself to time in the Bible, I feel myself in sync with God.  I am more aware of his presence, I am stronger in my faith, I am more secure in my daily walk through life, and I am better equipped to serve others in need.  And, if I'm honest, there's a part of me that fears God will turn his back on me if I am not continually faithful to him.

So, it surprised me and spoke to me this past week when I saw God's faithfulness manifested in my life, even when I wasn't being completely faithful to him.  One day last week, I came to work feeling pretty down.  My heart and mind were heavy with some things that were troubling me.  When I looked in my mailbox, I found a card.  It was a thank you not from my principal.  The note totally lifted me out of my "funk" and my attitude was much more positive throughout the day. It was perfect timing.  Perfect.  God's timing always is. I saw God working again in my life later that week.  Another little thing occurred that reminded me, again, that God was faithfully looking out for me.  And here's the kicker--I didn't do anything to deserve it.

Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of having this reciprocal relationship with God.  I do what God wants, God shows his faithfulness to me.  And yet, that is so contrary to the way God actually works.  God IS the relationship!  God promises his faithfulness and he delivers, not because of anything I do, but because he is God.  God is faithful--period.  And he will be faithful throughout all time, regardless of the faithfulness or unfaithfulness of his children.  There is nothing we can do to earn it.  Conversely, there is nothing we can do to lose it.  If God's faithfulness depended solely on our ability to remain faithful, we never would have been given the gift of Christ!!

Don't get me wrong, our faithfulness is important.  We should always be seeking and drawing close to God, through his Word, prayer, worship and service.  The more time we spend with God, the more connected we will be to him and the better able we will be to live out his plans for our lives.  Yet, as humans, there will be times when our faithfulness fails.  But God's will remain steadfast.  And when we see the steadfast love of this Faithful One, I pray that we will be drawn back to him, safely secure in his love and promise for us.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 256: Giving Beyond the Box

“For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you.  You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling cloth and lying in a manger….Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth, Peace, Good will to all men.”   

Luke 2:11-12, 14

It was late September when my kindergartner brought home the fall fundraising catalog for school.  Browsing through the plethora of cheap holiday “gifts”, my eye caught on the bright and festive wrapping paper section.  Looking at the multi-sized and multi-colored boxes so artfully positioned around the page, I said to my husband, “I want to have a big Christmas this year, with lots of presents for the boys to unwrap.”

Looking up from the allure of the bright and shiny packages, I rewound my brain.  Did I really just say that?  Whose birthday are we celebrating at Christmas anyway?  Oh right, JESUS’!!

Before the holiday commercial frenzy sets upon us once again, I thought it would be appropriate to remind myself, and anyone else who might read this, that the love of God entering into the world through Jesus Christ cannot be contained by a beautifully wrapped box parked under a festooned tree,   no matter how many lights the tree holds.  (At our house, it’s usually between 800-900.)

This season, I want to challenge us to give gifts to others that come from the abundance of God’s love and grace, rather than the holiday clearance sale at the department store.  Before we plunk down money on a gift for someone, let’s ask ourselves two questions:

1.       Does this gift reflect and honor the love of God that we are supposed to be celebrating this season?

   

   2.       Does this gift truly express the feelings of love, friendship, gratitude or appreciation I might have for this person?

And just a quick hint, dropping a bunch of money down on something shiny doesn’t necessarily make the item a gift of love, or, an expression of God’s love.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like jewelry as much as the next woman, but it’s not a gift I would value as much as, per say, a fun experience with my family.

In our society, most of us already have an abundance of “stuff” crowding out the living spaces in our homes.  Instead of adding to that, let’s use this Christmas season as a time to bring God’s love into the world, which was the point of the holiday in the first place.  Think about alternative gift giving.  Here are some ideas:

  

            Instead of getting your child’s teacher another coffee mug or kitchy item, make a donation of classroom supplies.  Get them a gift card to an educational supply store.  Volunteer to cover recess duty for a week.

   

          Instead of buying random gift items for extended family members, make a donation to their favorite charity on their behalf.  Better yet, make one large donation in honor of the entire family to your favorite charity and, by doing so, educate others about the good work that charity does. 

       

      Write notes of gratitude to your co-workers and deliver them with a loaf of homemade bread.  Or, get together with your co-workers and use the money you would spend on one another to adopt a family in your area.   Or, even better, adopt one of your co-workers and their family if they are in need.

    

      Scale back the money you spend on your children’s Christmas.  Instead of piling oodles of stuff under the tree, pick one nice gift you know they would really value and appreciate and leave it at that.  Then, take your children shopping to pick out clothes and presents for other children in need.  Let them wrap the gifts and help you deliver them to whatever organization you’re working through.

       

      For your spouse, make a date and spend some quality time together.  Make them a photo collage of the past year’s events that they can take with them to display at work.  Engage with them in one of their favorite activities.

The list could go on and on.  The point is, this holiday season let’s make an effort to think outside of the box—literally.  Let’s reclaim Christmas by focusing our efforts on bringing Christ into the world, showing his love both to strangers and those dearest to us.  Give Christ this Christmas.  Give His Love.  It’s brighter and shinier and bigger than any package to be found under a tree.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 254: Why Wait?

Saul remained at Gilgal, and all the troops with him were quaking with fear.  He waited seven days, the time set by Samuel, but Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and Saul's men began to scatter.  So he said, "Bring me the burnt offering and the fellowship offerings." And Saul offered up the burnt offering.  Just as he finished making the offering, Samuel arrived...."What have you done?" asked Samuel...."You have done a foolish thing," Samuel said.

1st Samuel 13:7-11, 13

Waiting is tough.  It's not something that is a part of our culture anymore.  We have instant everything, from rice to news.  When we want something we get it, usually immediately.  In the above passage, Saul and his troops were struggling with the desire for instant gratification.  The Philistines were surrounding them.  Saul wanted to engage and attack.  Yet God said, "Wait."  Saul was initially okay with waiting.  After all, God had previously commanded him to wait seven days before engaging in battle.  But once his time was up, look at what happened.  He couldn't wait.  His troops started to get antsy.  "Does Saul really know what he's doing?" they must have asked.  Saul was the leader of the nation of Israel.  He couldn't have his men doubting his ability to lead.  He couldn't be seen sitting around on his thumbs waiting for some crackpot old man to show up while the Philistines were knocking at the door.  No, Saul couldn't wait. So, Saul acted.  Assuming a role that was not his to take, Saul sacrificed to the Lord in an attempt to instill confidence in his troops and to move forward down a path he was determined to take.  He must have felt pretty good about himself.  After all, he solved a problem.  And yet, note the first words Samuel, God's anointed prophet, had for this mighty action-oriented king.  "You have done a FOOLISH thing!"

Indeed, we often make fools of ourselves when we don't wait upon the Lord.  Our actions are many times steeped in emotion.  We lash out in anger or fear and do damage to relationships that can take months or years to mend.   We put a hole in our bank accounts chasing after that bright shiny "thing" we so want God to want us to have.  We make impulsive decisions about our careers that leave us more stressed and beat up than we were before.  The aftermath of our impulsive actions can be shame, guilt, lack of self-worth, sadness and loss.  I cannot tell you the number of times God has humbled me as I've been rushing down the road from one place to the next.  And each time I think, "I am such an idiot!"

The reality for me is that waiting on God almost always takes a lot longer than I think it should.  About two and a half years ago I asked God if I could become a "for real" writer/women's ministry worker.  You see, I have had a dream of being a professional writer since I was 10 years old.  The timing, however, has never been right.  I've never felt God say, affirmatively, "Yes, take this path now."  As my teaching career has been changing over the past couple of years, I've been thinking more and more about pursuing this dream whole-heartedly.  I'm ready to jump in.  And yet, my heart has not heard that affirmative "YES!" from God.  I know what I want, but I don't know what God wants.  And so, I'm compelled to wait on Him.  Because the less foolish things I do, the better off my family and I will be.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 259:Living by Faith

I have the great honor today of posting a blog for The Domestc Fringe.  She is awesome!!  Check out her 31 Days of Living by Faith series.  You'll remember how amazing our God is!

Blessins and Peace
Sara

Confession 258: Words

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  

Ephesians 4:29   

"Words are loaded pistols," wrote philosopher Jean-Paul Sarte in his book, What is Literature?.  And in our contemporary, culture, we seem to thrive on using them as such.  Bullying has become a national epidemic.  Countless news reports have shown the tragic emotional and physical effects bullying has had on our nation's youth.  CNN this week covered another story of a young woman who took her own life after being bullied by her peers.  My husband and I have had to talk with our 6 year old son about how to deal with bullies.  Being a little different, he is already a target in Kindergarten.

The worst part of it all is that bullying has become a seemingly acceptable part of our culture.  Oh, we give good lip service about how terrible it is, but take a closer look at our media and you will see that it is a practice more condoned than condemned.  Political adversaries use their words to rip each other apart.  "News" programs splash the sordid tales and scandals of "celebrities" across both pages and screens, villifying or idolizing one star or another.  Women are degraded and objectified in magazines, on television and in music.  Hot topic issues become avenues of polarization rather than opportunities for growth and change.  Our culture thrives on being mean.  It's disgusting, and our kids are paying the price.

As Christians, we have an obligation to change the part we play in this society of verbal abuse.  It is an obligation that many churches have forgotten.  Sometimes, as Christians, we use the Word, and our words,  as weapons instead of  tools for spreading God's message of love and mercy.  The author of the book of James refers to the tongue as "a restless evil, full of deadly poison." (James 3:8b)  Rather, he counsels his readers to tame the tonuge and become "peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere." (James 3:17)  

Likewise, Paul exhorts the Ephesians to use their words carefully.  Paul recognized the power of words to harm and so instructed the Ephesians that whatever comes out of their mouths should be for the benefit of others, building them up rather than tearing them down.     So let me ask you two questions today.  And trust me, I am asking them of myself, as well.

1. Are the words which you speak throughout the course of the day building others up, or tearing them down?  Remember that we can easily tear someone down without speaking to them face to face.   

2. Are the messages being sent from your church--from your congregation-- seeking to build others up or to tear them down?   For too long, many of our churches have been harbingers of hate, using words to tear down and to judge rather than to build up and love.   

My words are not always kind.  I do not always use them to build others up.  I succumb to gossip at times, and do get testy and lash out with words at those I love.  And yet, I try to use the wisdom God has given me to tame my tongue.  And for those times when I fail, God reminds me of the love and encouragement I am supposed to be giving.  I have to say, I'm getting pretty good at saying, "I'm sorry."  I hope, as I continue to walk in faith over the years, that I will have less need for it.   

Blessings and Peace, 

Sara