I've realized, recently, that I have become embroiled in pettiness, become a fairly petty person myself. Looking over my past few entries, I see that my focus has been skewed. I have not set my sights on "higher things". I've lost perspective, but I see now that I am wrong.
Sadly, this past week, a family at church discovered that their almost three year old son has had a relapse in his cancer and that there is nothing more the doctors can do for him. This news has broken my heart. Cancer is an unjust and senseless disease, a mercenary sniper adhering to no code of war. It's a stupid disease, and one I fervently pray will be completely wiped off the face of the earth.
This little boy, baby really, is beautiful, as are his parents and siblings. They are a wonderful family, and I grieve for them as they go through this process. No parent should have to bury a child.
In the process of all of this, I've realized that life is just too short to hold onto petty grudges, to be focused on the childish antics of people who are so lost themselves that they can only inflict pain and discontentment on those around them. I want, I need, to let go of my anger. I want, I need to move on from this. I want, I need, to focus on the important things in life. I need to love and care for my family. I need to show love to my students and to give them the best of what I have to offer. I need to focus on building up relationships with people who are truly seeking God's will for their lives.
I heard a sermon this weekend that hit home for me. It was on "Intentional Faith Development", one of the five practices of fruitful congregations that Bishop Robert Schnase writes of in his book of the same name. The pastor made the comment that in American churches, we really only skim the surface of spirituality and discipleship, like water bugs. He stated that intentional faith development involves coming back to life, and that it is a painful process to allow God to bring you back to life, but that when you undergo that process, you become infused with God. I started thinking of the Evanesence song, "Bring Me to Life"....
Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and
Save me from the dark
I've been asleep spiritually for too long, and I want to move beyond the surface. I want God to wake me up inside. More than that, I want to be infused with God's spirit, and I want God's spirit to diffuse itself through me to others who need to feel and know God's love and presence.
I pray continually for this family at church. I pray that they may feel God's presence as they walk down this path of darkness.
I pray God can work in all our lives to infuse us with his Spirit and lead us closer to him.
Blessings and Peace,