Confessions of the Pastor's Wife

Confession 221: Hemmed In

2012-02-08T09:48:00.000-06:00

You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:1-5

This morning I awoke with my 3 year old wedged in between my husband and I. He's there most nights, pattering in sometime in the wee hours with his blankie in tow. I toss him into the middle of the bed and he nestles down beneath the blankets, curling his little body into my big one and tucking his head under my chin. With Mommy's arms around him and Daddy's hand upon him he settles himself into the sweet dreams of childhood. Philosophies of child rearing aside, I know this time is short and it is therefore precious to me, even through the squirming and kicking.

As I was holding my son this morning I thought about the above passage, specifically the idea of being hemmed in. It occurred to me that as my son nestled snugly between my husband and I, hemmed in on both sides, that this is precisely what God does for us. You hem me in behind and before... We, God's children, are nestled snugly within him. God wants us to rest sweetly in him, no matter what our lives may bring. In the wee hours of our lives-- when the darkness seems so present, so pervasive, so prolonged--God says, "Come to me. You are safe in this night."

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 220: Love Lessons

2012-02-06T09:53:00.000-06:00

Posting about love today @ Seeds of Faith. It's an old post, but it still rings true for me.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 219: Changing

2012-02-02T08:16:00.002-06:00

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

Last week I was driving through the town where I was raised. I took a detour and drove by my childhood home. It is remarkable how much it looks the same, even down to the screen door. I found myself wanting to pull over and walk inside. In my mind, I saw myself pulling open the aluminum screen door and entering back into the world of my childhood; my personal Eden. There would be the gold carpet on which I laid and colored pictures while listening to the cling of pots and pans in the kitchen and the distant voices of the announcers on the t.v. in the family room where my father watched football. There would be our dining room chairs which my sister and I so often pulled into the living room and draped with blankets to make a tent. And my room would still be painted a vivid pink, my bed adorned with quilts my grandmothers and great grandmothers had made; my personal sanctuary from the rest of the world.

And yet, the reality is that if I did indeed re-enter my childhood home I would find all of those things to be gone. The carpet would be replaced with hardwood, the table would be that of someone else and my room would most certainly have not retained it's Pepto Bismal state.

It's hard for me to accept the truth that life is in constant change. And it's hard for me to understand at times that change is a vital and necessary part of our existence. If I had my way, things would always remain at the moment of my deepest contentment. My oldest would always stay 5 and not leave for kindergarten next year. My youngest would always shower me with hugs and kisses and say 100 times a day, "Mommy, I wuv you." But if change never happened, we would never grow. God, who never changes, uses change in our lives to move us closer to him. I love this quote from author Mary Redding,

"The road by which we travel toward God's future for us is rarely a straight one. Twists and turns, detours and rest stops are natural parts of the journey." (Upper Room, Jan/Feb 2012)

In order to get to the places God wants us to be we have to be willing to change and grow. More importantly, we have to accept and even embrace the changes life brings to us. Sometimes those changes can be incredibly painful and seem impossibly unfair. But we have this promise from God, that in ALL THINGS God works for the GOOD of those who love him!! (Romans 8:28) I'm including a video of one of my favorite songs, Susan Ashton's "You Move Me".

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 218: Something to Think About

2012-01-30T20:12:00.001-06:00

So, I'm being a little lazy today in posting a video my husband used in church Sunday. The sermon title was, "I Believe In God But...I've Had a Bad Experience." Unfortunately one of the legacies of the Christian church has been to condemn rather than to show God's grace and mercy to others. Many young people, whom churches are actively seeking, have stories to tell of feeling judged, condemned, unworthy or manipulated by well-intentioned members of the body of Christ.

This video was created by a man named Jefferson Bethke and is entitled "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus". In only 2 weeks this clip has received over 17 MILLION hits!! You might not agree with everything he has to say, but there's something here that resonates with many. I think his point is valid. I'd love to know what you think. Linking up with Michelle today at Graceful.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 217: I Believe in God But...I'm Not Good Enough

2012-01-24T08:32:00.001-06:00

My husband has been doing a message series entitled I Believe in God But.... This past Sunday the focus was on the feeling of not being good enough for God. As human beings, we all have a past. We all have moments in our lives we are not proud of, things we have done that have pulled us away from God rather than drawing us nearer. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." If God were human he would be sorely disappointed. And yet we know that God is not human. God created all things and is above all things. All nations and principalities will one day bow down to him. He sits enthroned on High. Nothing can shake his foundations. And, nothing can take away his great love for us.

Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:33-37

Jesus Christ himself is interceding on our behalf to God the Father!! It is the reason he came into this world--the reason he suffered and died--the reason he rose from the dead. God LOVES us!! God WANTS us!! God REDEEMS us, including our "pasts". God doesn't care who we were, he cares about who we will become in him. He has a plan for our future that he is focused on. Jesus wiped our pasts away; they have been flung into the depths of the sea. God doesn't dwell on them, why should we?

This is a great video from Tony Campolo addressing this very issue. He gives a great analogy of what happens to our "past". I'm linking up with Michelle at Graceful today!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 216: A New Friend

2012-01-20T10:54:00.001-06:00

Today I'm excited to introduce you to my new friend, Heather. Heather is a wife, mother to a beautiful 6 year old girl and a 6 year cancer survivor. Heather's remarkable journey and faith serve as a reminder to me that you can never take life for granted, that each day is a gift, and that being a victor means never giving up--even when all the odds are stacked against you. I've asked Heather to share her story here. I am also putting up a link to Heather's blog so that you might continue to be inspired by her testimony.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

My entire life, I’ve been an optimist. In my opinion, aslong as you are alive the glass is half full. It is this personality trait thathas often inspired others to tell me that I see the world through rose coloredglasses. I’ve never disagreed. At the age of 36, I was having the best year ofmy life. It was 2005 and it was the 21st of November; almost Thanksgiving. Thatwas the year the holiday’s had an even deeper meaning for me than they had inthe past; I was a first time mommy to a brand new baby girl who was only threeand a half months old.

That day, I received news from my doctor that would changemy life forever; seemingly for the worst. My doctor told me I had cancer. Notjust any cancer, but a rare and deadly form of malignant pleural mesothelioma.When the words, “You have cancer” came out of my doctor’s mouth I sat, stunned.My first thought was that I had a decision to make; I could go home and yell atGod, asking him why he did this to me and blaming him for the worst thing thatever happened in my life or I could fight for my life and my baby girl’s life.I thought about my rose colored glasses and decided that if ever there was atime in my life I needed them, it was now. I put them on and asked the doctorwhat happened next.

My doctor referred me to a doctor that is the leading mesothelioma doctor andwe began my battle; rose colored glasses on the entire time. My cancer wasscheduled for removal in 2006 on Groundhog Day.

Upon hearing “You have cancer” you immediately know yourlife is forever changed and it seems like a no brainer that your life ischanged for the worse. However, it was during my fight to overcome my cancerthat I realized that this diagnosis did not have to change my life for the worse;it could change it for the better. And that is exactly the advice I heard frommy new friends, all of who were cancer survivors like myself. Choosing not tobecome a victim to my cancer, my life was changed in a positive manner. Mycancer was removed and each year on Groundhog Day, my family and I have acelebration of life; for that was the day my battle with cancer won and I wasnot a victim. I can only hope that my story serves as inspiration to someonegoing through something as awful as cancer.

Confession 215: Grateful

2012-01-16T09:32:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, in worship, I was reminded once again of the central role gratitude plays in our walk of faith. A wonderful, vibrant, faith-filled woman of our congregation gave the message and spoke of her father's terminal illness and subsequent passing. Through all of the devastation of the illness and the grief in his passing, she never gave up her faith, but rather, used her faith to see her through this most difficult time. She prayed for God's strength, for his comfort, for his presence and received all of those gifts and more. It wasn't easy, and she acknowledged that it was a long time before she felt real joy again, but even in the midst of despair she felt God's presence with her.

In the 4th chapter of the book of Philippians Paul writes:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (4-7)

Whenever tragedy strikes our lives, when the road seems to be all uphill and we just want a flat stretch of land to run it is tempting to turn our hearts away from God. How can we be grateful for lives that are at times so full of pain and suffering and anxiety and the unknown? How can we be grateful when our hearts are broken, when our spirits are shattered, when our souls are downcast within us?

Something that struck me in our speaker's story yesterday was a conversation she recalled with her father in which her father, shortly after his diagnosis, pondered the question that is so paramount when tragedy strikes: "Dear God, why me?" In looking over his life and all that he had experienced, all the joy he had received, his response was not why me but, "Why not me?" If we think we, as Christians, will live pain-free lives of holy bliss then we have not done much reading of the gospel. Jesus himself said we would suffer. We are not immune to the tragedies of life.

And yet, there is another promise to remember; the promise of peace. Jesus tells us that bad things will happen, yet he also tells us (through Paul) that the Spirit will bring us peace in our times of darkness. We have David's exhortation in the 23rd Psalm that, "even when I walk through the darkness of death, God will be with me." God will not abandon his people. And that is precisely what we have to be thankful for.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 214: Treasure

2012-01-11T09:25:00.001-06:00

Well, I have obviously taken a very long break from blogging, but am back online. It is one of my New Year's aspirations (I like that word much more than resolution) to be a more faithful blogger and to get to know others through this wonderful medium!! That said, I managed to grab some much needed quiet time this morning and asked God, as always, for a word I might take with me today. Of course, he was happy to oblige and convict at the same time!! :-) The message came from the book of Job.

I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. Job 23:12
It was the second part of this verse that struck me this morning, "I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread." As some of you know, I like food a lot. I enjoy thinking about what I'm going to eat throughout the course of the day. I look forward to eating out at a nice restaurant or cooking a nice dinner with a decadent dessert as much as my boys look forward to getting a new Alivin and the Chipmunks toy. It's probably fair to say that my mouth doesn't water over reading my Bible as much as it does over the prospect of a "Monster Cookie" at Cheddars!! And yet, it's the bread of the Bible that's going to strengthen, enrich, encourage and sustain me over the course of my life, not the cookie dripping in fat and sugar.

This verse doesn't have to be talking about food alone, however. Our "daily bread" could be a myriad of things. Maybe we treasure our money, or treasure making money, more than the words of God's mouth. Maybe it's our job that is calling us away from God's Word, or our busy schedules, or our kids' busy schedules. I think that most of us could point to something (or many somethings) in our lives that we treasure more than time with God. But when we take the time to carve out those quiet places of reflection, when we make a conscious decision to put God first and to treasure his Word more than the other things in our lives, then our lives become more fulfilled, more enriched, more focused and more productive than before.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21, Luke 12:34

Jesus knew the absolute importance of placing God first. He knew that what we value, what we spend our time and energy on, would make it's way into the very fabric of our being. And shouldn't the very fabric of our being be made from the One who created us in the first place?

In this New Year, I want to treasure God's Word above all else. I want to let God lead and follow where he goes.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 213: The Santa Talk

2011-12-15T09:35:00.001-06:00

When Chris and I first had children we decided that we were not going to do Santa with them. It was actually Chris who felt most strongly about it and I just went along for the ride. Five years later I have to say that I really enjoy our no Santa policy. It simplifies Christmas and, for me, helps keep the focus on Christ. Don't worry, I'm not some sort of Santa hating zealot. I respect that others really enjoy having the Santa experience with their children. It's just something we've chosen not to participate in.

That said, when our five year old came home from preschool yesterday and told me that his teacher had told him Santa was real and he lived at the North Pole, I was stumped. As I looked at his sweet, innocent, eager little face I just didn't know what to do. Childhood is so fleeting anymore. If I told him Santa wasn't real, would that be just another pin prick in the fabric of his innocence? On the other hand, could I suddenly change course while Chris was at youth group and start a new tradition of Santa with the kids? What to do?

In the end, I decided to go with the tried and true method of a quick nougat of truth followed by immediate deflection.

"Honey, Santa's not really real, but there was a St. Nicholas who lived a long time ago and put presents and candy in kids' shoes to show them God loved them!"

"Saint Nicholas put presents in kids' shoes?"

"Yeah, they left them outside on Christmas Eve and he would come and put presents in them while they slept."

"Wow, that's funny. I want to put my shoes outside on Christmas Eve! Can I do that and you put presents in my shoes?"

Yes! Awkward situation averted!! Of course, I did have to tell him before school today that the Santa's not really real thing was a secret between us and not to tell the other kids because some parents like pretending Santa is real. Did I do the right thing? I don't know....but waking up to a shoe filled with goodies would be petty cool! :-)

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 212: Plans Change

2011-12-05T08:32:00.001-06:00

Lately, I've been feeling like I had my life more figured out at 25 than I do at 35. Please tell me I'm not the only one!!

To read about a change of plans, go over to Seeds of Faith where I'm posting today. It's a cool site full of encouragement for the journey. I'm also linking up at Graceful.

Blessings and Peace this Monday!
Sara

Confession 211: A Legacy

2011-12-01T10:28:00.001-06:00

I've been working on a Bible study over the book of Matthew for my Bible study ladies during the holiday season and thought I'd share it here. This week's focus is on the idea of legacy.

As I was reading the first few chapters of Matthew I was struck by how God moves through time, sometimes LOTS of time, to accomplish his purposes. I was especially interested in the lineage of Christ. Throughout the lineage of Christ, we see the passing of a faith from generation to generation. Through all of Israel's ups and downs, there were people who took to heart God's command in Deuteronomy 6:4-9 to pass on the commandments of the Lord. Take a moment and think about your own lineage of faith.

1. Who were/are the people in your life who have passed on the knowledge of God to you? In what ways has your faith been passed down to you through the generations? In what ways are you passing your faith onto future generations?

Some of us come from a long line of faithful witnesses who lovingly and steadfastly passed down their faith. And yet for others of us, that faith was something we had to seek out on our own outside of our family tree. If you look back at some of the names in Christ's lineage, you will find some pretty nasty fellows who, according to the books of 1st and 2nd Kings, "did evil in the eyes of the Lord." And yet, God was able to bring Christ to us through them, in spite of their determination to turn from God. In the opening chapters of Matthew we see God's master plan coming together in some very unexpected ways. As Priscilla Shirer states, God goes "BEYOND the beyond" in working out his master plan!

2. How has God surprised you in his plans for your life? In what unexpected ways have you seen God working to bring about his goodness?
Finally, in chapter 4 of Matthew we see God's proclamation at Christ's baptism, "This is my Son in whom I am well pleased." In this moment, we see an innocent Jesus taking on the sin of humanity--becoming the substitute sin offeringfor us. He knows how this all will end, and yet he is willing to take that first step which will ultimately lead to the cross. And taking that step of devotion and obedience pleases God, for that is what God desires from each of us.

3. What steps do you take in your own life to show your devotion and obedience to God? Have you felt God saying to you, "This is my daughter in whom I am well pleased?" If the answer to that question is no, then take a moment today to give yourself that affirmation. Because it is true. You are God's daughter, and God is pleased with you.

Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. Deuteronomy 8:6

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 210: I Already Have

2011-11-22T10:11:00.001-06:00

This past Sunday, my husband preached a sermon on gratitude in which he spoke of the appropriateness of Thanksgiving coming prior to Christmas. As we've been trying to explain to our 5 year old with the mile long Christmas list, Thanksgiving is important because it calls us to remember what we already have BEFORE we start listing our wants. And so, I thought I would put together an I Already Have list for this week to remind myself as I'm being inundated with "spectacular deals" for Black Friday that I already have more than enough.

I Already Have.....

Love in Abundance

A loving husband, two beautiful boys, parents and in-laws who show me what unconditional love truly means, a sister who is my best friend, best friends who are my sisters, a church home filled with God's Spirit, online friends and writers to share the Christian journey with, God himself dwelling within my heart.

I Already Have....

Security Within My Citadel

A roof that is paid for, warmth and coolness at the touch of a button, cabinets filled with food, milk to drink, blankets made with love, clothes for every season, 3 jackets, 2 coats, shoes and boots, freedom to worship, freedom to pray, freedom to walk down the streets of our town unharmed, a safe community,sleep uninterrupted by violence, fear, or hunger, neighbors who look out for one another.

I Already Have....

Time for Every Activity Under the Heavens

Quality time to spend with my children each day, time to write, time to study God's Word, time to give to others, time to engage in ministry, time to cook meals for my family, time to clean up the messes of the day, time to visit friends and family, time to scrapbook, time to begin new projects, time to waste.

I Already Have....

Enough

Enough love, enough security, enough time, enough resources to do all that God has asked me to do.

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:19

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Linking up with Graceful today.

Confession 209: Water, Water Anywhere???

2011-11-11T07:32:00.001-06:00

"Be responsible for fish in the sea and birds in the air, for every living thing that moves on the face of the Earth." Genesis 1: 28

Each year our United Methodist Women's group has a program entitled "A Call to Prayer and Self-Denial". During the evening we look at a particular issue that is affecting our world and learn about ways to get involved to make a change for good. This year, the focus was on the global water crisis with an emphasis on the damaging effects bottled water is having on our world. Yes, you heard right, bottled water is quickly breaking down our planet!!

Here are a few quick facts:

1. Each year there are 3 billion pounds of waste from bottled water!! As most of us know, plastic is not biodegradable. Where does that plastic end up? Much of it finds it's way into our oceans, streams, rivers and lakes where it breaks down enough for fish and animals to eat it. Slowly and surely, the plastic we discard is making it's way back up our food chain. That thought gives me pause as I bite into a piece of chicken.

2. Making bottled water wastes water. It takes 3 times the amount of water to produce the bottle as it does to fill it!! Plastic production requires the use of water, as does filtering the water that goes into the bottles. 40% of the water used to make one bottle of water we pull from the gas station is simply poured down the drain.

3. Making bottled water wastes oil. 17 million barrels of oil are used in the production of bottled water each year!! Look at a bottle of water. Imagine seeing 1/4 of that bottle filled with oil. That's how much oil went into the production of that bottle of water. That's what we're drinking.

4. Bottled water is not held to the same FDA test standards as tap water. There are more stringent government regulations on tap water than bottled water. Bottled water companies are not legally required to divulge the source of their water. AND, 40% of all bottled water sold is actually tap water!!

5. Producing bottled water dries up sources of water for communities and farms throughout the country. If we continue to consume water at the rate we are currently consuming, it is only a matter of time before communities in the United States are affected by the global water crisis.

Here are some resources if you'd like to check the facts.
water.org
onedrop.org
onlineeducation.net/bottled_water

I am committing to end my use of bottled water. Would you do the same?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 208: Seeds of Faith

2011-11-07T10:05:00.001-06:00

Posting today over at Seeds of Faith!! Come check out the site. There's a lot of good stuff going on there! :-)

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

P.S. Posting tomorrow about the global water crisis. Will you pledge to no longer buy bottled water?

Confession 207: Pray With

2011-10-31T09:45:00.002-05:00

My husband just finished a message series called "The Prayer Project". I have to confess that prayer is probably the weakest part of my daily walk with God. This series has challenged me to be more intentional in my prayer, to communicate throughout the day with God, to praise God and to surrender myself to his will through prayer. Yesterday, Chris finished up the series with a sermon titled "Pray With". The basic message was that, as Christians, we are called to pray with and not just for other people. It's one thing to tell someone that you'll pray for them. It is another, riskier, more meaningful act to stop what you're doing and pray with them on the spot. I, and others in the congregation, resolved to be more intentional about praying with others. However, God wasn't done.

That evening, I went with some friends to a Brandon Heath/Brit Nicole concert. During her performance, Brit Nicole spoke of the power of fear in our lives to keep us from doing God's will. She said that just that day she had been out shopping and felt God calling her to pray with a woman in a store. And yet, her fear prevented her from doing what she felt God calling her to do. Remembering Chris' sermon, my friends and I exchanged meaningful looks and laughed at God's ability to continually weave messages into our lives. And yet, God still wasn't finished!

After the concert we stopped at a Taco Bell for a belated dinner. While we were eating we entered into a conversation with a woman working at the restaurant. She shared with us her struggles of being a single mom, working 7 days a week and barely making ends meet. As many look forward to the upcoming holiday season, she is dreading it because she doesn't have enough money to do much for her three children. She shared with us that last Christmas, in fact, their dinner consisted of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with macaroni and cheese. My friends and I looked at each other. We knew what we needed to do. At 10 P.M. in Taco Bell, we stopped and prayed with this young woman. We got her contact information to see what we could do to make this Christmas better for her family. As we were leaving one of my friends made the comment that this woman was an angel sent by God to test us and see if we were listening to his words. I think that instead, God was giving us a gift.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 206: Made For More

2011-10-27T10:26:00.002-05:00

I recently started reading the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. It's a non-diet book that seeks to battle weight loss by replacing desire for food with a desire for God. One of the things that has impacted me the most is Terkeurst;s assertion that we were made for more than this. In the book, the this refers to the negative eating cycle many women find themselves revolving through. Yet as I read that statement, I realized it applies to more than my bad eating habits. It applies to my life. Looking around at my life, I am forced to acknowledge that I am, indeed, made for more than this.

Let me qualify the this. I'm not talking about my family, or my bank account, or my town. I have a beautiful family, live in a wonderful community, and God is making sure our bills get paid mostly on time. The this I am referring to is my self-centered, self-indulgent nature that leads me into discontentment. The this is my aimlessness that comes when my purposes for the day revolve around a bottom line rather than around God's kingdom. I am, indeed, made for more than this.

So, what am I made for? First and foremost, I was made to love God. What is the greatest command? According to Scripture it is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength. Deut. 6:5 When we love God with all of our being, our focus is completely on him. And what would he have us do with this love? Jesus tells us, "My command is this: love each other, as I have loved you." John 15:12 The apostle Paul goes so far as to say the entire law is summed up in the command to love others!! (Galatians 5:14) God wants us to have an abundant life, but that abundance only comes when we let go of ourselves and seek after God. And it is a spiritual abundance, not material. If we seek after material abundance we're going right back to the this of which we were made for more. Which I do, too often.

Therefore, I am recommitting myself once again to living the life I was made for. I will endeavor to give God my first-fruits. I will seek him in the morning and I will follow him throughout my day. I will work to use the gifts and talents God has given me for his kingdom purposes, not my own. I will attempt to live into this prayer:

I am no longer my own, but thine.

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed by thee, or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee, or brought low for thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things to they pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God,

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine.

So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on Earth,

let it be ratified in heaven. Amen

(John Wesley, 1780)

Confession 205: Change of Plans

2011-10-25T09:18:00.003-05:00

I've been out of my daily devotional for a week or so, and boy did God have a message for me when I picked it back up!! The focus this day was on Acts 16:9-15 and the conversion of Lydia. Prior to Paul and his companions entering into Phillipi, God had told them they could not continue on into Asia. While they were figuring out where to go, Paul had a vision of a man in Macedonia begging him to come and help them. So, they went--immediately. And who was the first person they encountered? A Gentile businesswoman named Lydia. Not only did Lydia accept God into her heart, but also into her home. All of the members of her household were baptized and Paul and his companions were invited to stay in Lydia's home for as long as they needed. Instead of going into Asia, Paul and his companions took the gospel message to Europe. As Moore writes, God didn't just open a door for them, he opened a whole other continent!

Yet, here's what sticks with me most this morning. Both Paul and Lydia made themselves available to God. AND, they were willing to let God change their plans.

Which makes me wonder: Am I willing to allow God to change my plans today? Are you? Will we allow God to send us somewhere today we had no intention of going? Will we allow God to direct our resources somewhere other than where we had planned? Will the money we've saved for our own purposes today be spent on someone else? Will we allow God to open a door of communication to someone we had no plans to communicate with? So what's your plan today?

I'm excited to see where God leads us!! If you commit to allowing God to change your plans today, let me know where you go. I want to hear your stories of God bridging new continents today!!

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27

Confession 204: I AM

2011-10-13T11:18:00.002-05:00

Almost four months after becoming a Mary Kay Independent Beauty Consultant, I am finally getting around to attending New Consultant Training. Better late than never, I guess! :-) Last night, we talked once again about the importance of creating affirmations.

Affirmations are an "I am" statement that reflects what you want to accomplish. I am a 4 quarter STAR, I am a Red Jacket, I am a Team Leader. The idea is that anything you say to yourself over and over will come to be. Subconsciously, you are training your mind to accept something as reality which you wish to achieve. The science is actually very sound on this. I remember going to a writing conference and listening to a writer talk about using this process to help her on her way to publication. Before falling asleep each night she would lay in bed and write in the air, "I am a writer. As human beings, our mind is our most powerful resource. The converse can be true too. If you look in the mirror each morning and tell yourself, "I am worthless", you're going to believe it.

What struck me most last night, however, was when my sales director made the comment that the phrase "I am" is the most powerful phrase in the English language. My mind immediately jumped to Exodus 3:14 when God says to Moses' inquiry of who God is:

"I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites, "I AM has sent me to you."

In this moment, God could have called out any number of phrases to identify himself: the Redeemer of Israel, the Creator of the Universe, the Author of Life, the Healer, the Rock, the Refuge.... Yet instead, God answers Moses' question with the most powerful phrase in probably any language--the ultimate affirmation--I AM. It is the answer to any question we might have, the end to any argument we may give, the hope in any circumstance we may find ourselves in.

"God, how am I going to get around this mountain?" God answers: "I AM!"

"God, how am I going to keep going after this setback?" God answers: "I AM!"

"God, where am I going to find an answer to this problem? God answers, "I AM!"

"God, where am I going to turn when this relationship, job, home, body I've put my faith in falls apart?"

God answers, "I AM!"

In Revelation 1:8 God puts the ultimate cap on his affirmation to Moses:

"I am the Alpha and the Omega...who was, and who is, and who is to come, the Almighty."

Do you need an affirmation today? Tell yourself this: "I am a beloved child of the great I AM!!"

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 203: Being a Faith Warrior

2011-09-24T09:51:00.001-05:00

Together (we) will be like mighty warriors in battle

trampling (our) enemy into the mud of the streets.

(We) will fight because the Lord is with (us),

and (we) will put the Enemy to shame. Zechariah 10:5

Growing up, my Grandpa always told me I would make a good soldier. Why, I have no idea, but it's something he told me over and over. And while I am stubborn, persistent, and more inclined to fight than flee, I don't like being told what to do, I need to know the reason for doing something before I begin, and if someone is pointing a gun in my general direction I am going to run the other way!! I've never seen myself as a warrior. And yet, in the above Scripture that is precisely what we are called to be!

One look at our society and it becomes clear that we are indeed mighty warriors in battle! The Enemy surrounds us and his weapons are powerful and destructive, breaking us down from within through fear, despair, self-loathing, hopelessness, temptation, guilt, anger, selfishness, materialism and pride. But we, as followers of Christ, have something even more powerful than these weapons of mass destruction. The Lord is with us!! And he carries in his arsenal not weapons with which to destroy, but tools with which to build. The Lord brings hope, salvation, grace, mercy, forgiveness, redemption, restoration, healing, peace, goodness, power, strength, faith, compassion perseverance, and love.

As followers of Christ, we will put the Enemy to shame with these tools the Lord provides. We will put the Enemy to shame when we choose to forgive rather than hold a grudge. We will put the Enemy to shame when we offer a place of healing in our churches to those who have suffered from addiction. We will put the Enemy to shame when we go out to serve others with love and compassion in the face of despair, disaster, and poverty. We will put the Enemy to shame when we persevere through the trials and obstacles in our lives and in our congregations to continue the work God has given us to do. We will put the Enemy to shame when we speak to others with love and grace, focusing on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. We will put the Enemy to shame when we encourage others in their walk, strengthen others in their faith, support others on their journey of healing, restoration and redemption. In essence, we will put the Enemy to shame when we LOVE!!

O, Lord, I want to be a WARRIOR today!!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 202: Pray!

2011-09-20T09:44:00.003-05:00

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray! Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise! Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to PRAY over them....Therefore, confess your sins to each other and PRAY for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is POWERFUL and EFFECTIVE!! James 5:13-16

This Sunday, my husband began a new sermon series focusing on prayer. For too many of us, prayer takes a backseat to the other events/happenings in our lives. We bark orders at God or give a compulsory thanks before dinner, but we don't really spend time in conversation with the one who created us and knows us better than we know ourselves.

Did you know that psychologists have found that the healthiest relationships are the ones in which people engage in communication with one another at least 4 hours a day? Don't worry, texting counts!! Think for a minute about the person you communicate most with throughout the day. Now, think about how much time you spend communicating with God throughout the day. Am I the only one whose numbers don't add up?

Communication is essential to a healthy relationship, and prayer in its most basic essence is communication. We go to God and talk and listen. It's a two-way conversation, even if we're not face-to-face. Yet even more importantly, prayer is our time to surrender ourselves to God. It is our time to go to God and tell him that we're ready for him in our lives--for his forgiveness, his love, his grace, his mercy, his peace, his strength, his guidance, his power, his freedom--that we are ready for him.

So, in the words of Nike and my husband, "Just do it!" In our society, we over complicate things. We make excuses to justify our lack of commitment to God and others. The solution to this is simple. As Chris said, "If you don't feel like you pray enough, then pray! If you don't feel like you read your Bible enough, read your Bible! If you feel guilty because you don't go to church enough, go to church! If you feel bad because you don't talk to your mom enough, call your mom!" Just pray.

Just

PRAY!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Linking up with Michelle at Graceful today!!

Confession 201: Nonconformist

2011-09-02T09:09:00.001-05:00

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

Having a very active imagination, my mind wanders a lot. Often when I'm cleaning or driving or trying to fall asleep, I make up stories in my head--little movies I can watch while I'm busy doing other things. Had I written them all down over the years, I would have filled hundreds of books! :-) When I'm not making up stories I will probably never write, I am thinking about ways to expand my business or running through a to-do list or worrying about the kids, Chris or money. I'm not sure I would call any of the above renewing my mind.

Too often, I ask God for help, advice, guidance and direction, yet I do not clear my mind of other things to allow God's help, advice, guidance and direction to come through. Romans 12:2 tells us that it is in the renewing of our minds that we will be able to discern God's will. Yet, how do we renew our minds?

First, I think we have to clear them. We have to stop thinking and daydreaming and worrying and allow stillness to permeate our being.

Next, when our minds are clear and still, we need to go to God's Word. We need to pour over Scripture, letting the words imprint themselves on our newly cleared minds. We need to soak in the Word of God, whether a chapter or two or just one verse.

Then, we need to ponder. We need to re-read our Scripture passage or verse. We need to read the commentaries about it, gather information around it, think about what it means in our own lives. We need to ask God for clarity about his Word.

Finally, we need to pay attention to Scripture lived out in our lives. Where is our passage meeting us throughout the day? Where are we living out the Word we have received? How is God illuminating it for us throughout our day?

It is then that we will be able to experience the renewing of our minds that will allow us to test and approve God's good, pleasing and perfect will.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 200: Affirmations

2011-08-24T11:23:00.001-05:00

In my beauty consultant business, we are taught to develop affirmations we can say to ourselves throughout the day. We say things like, "I am a booking machine", "I am a powerful and confident saleswoman", "I am a Star consultant", etc.... The idea behind these affirmations is that you become what you affirm. It's the idea that if you say it enough you'll start to live it out. And so, I felt a bit convicted yesterday when I was cleaning up a side table and found notes from the Priscilla Shirer simulcast I attended last April. Within our conference booklet was a page of affirmations, but not affirmations focused on building business or making money, but affirmations focused on building holiness and making a God-centered life. So, I thought I'd dedicate my 200th blog to some affirmations of the soul.

1. I am created in the image of God and God said I am good. (Genesis 1:27)

2. There is no place I can go where God will not find me; no circumstance in life where I will not know his love. (Psalm 139:7-12, Romans 8:28)

3. God has a plan for my life that is bigger and better than anything I could imagine. (Jeremiah 29:11)

4. I will not be afraid of the trials of this life because God, my Savior, will not let me go. (Isaiah 43:1-3)

5. I can do anything that God has called me to do. (Philippians 4:13)

6. I will not worry about tomorrow, for God will provide all my needs. I only need to rely on him. (Matthew 6:25-34)

7. God has freed me to love others. I will love others with the outpouring of love God has shown me. (1 John 4:7)

8. I will keep God's word in my heart and teach it to my children. (Deuteronomy:4-6)

9. Even though I have days where this life will make me cry, God will bring joy to my heart. (Psalm 30:5)

10. I have been redeemed by Christ and am a new creation in him. (2nd Corinthians 5:17)

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 199: Boys

2011-08-03T11:11:00.000-05:00

So, I found a cool new site I'm linking up with today called M.O.B. (Moms of Boys). As most of you know, I have two boys, ages 3 and 5. They are wonderful and exasperating all at the same time! As Christian parents, the most important thing to my husband and I is that our boys grow up with hearts for God. I just want them to serve God, in whatever capacity God chooses for them to do that. So, it's wonderful to find a site full of other women dedicated to that purpose. Here's some basic information for those hopping over:

1. I am a United Methodist pastor's wife. When we moved a year ago from our past appointment I had to give up my job teaching high school English. God has taught me a lot about relying on him this past year as I have not been able to find another full-time position. Like always, he has opened up doors I never expected or anticipated. I recently started my own business as an Independent Beauty Consultant for Mary Kay Cosmetics. You can check out my webpage here.

2. My boys, Garret and Stephen, are masters of mess and chaos. It's always something around our house. Yesterday I caught my youngest washing out his underwear in the sink because he refuses to poop in the potty and apparently he thought cleaning up himself was the more preferable choice. This same child also flooded a church bathroom this past Sunday by turning both water faucet's on full-blast 5 minutes before the start of worship. Instead of leading singing, I was mopping!!

My oldest is more subtle. During prayer time one Sunday he decided to body surf under the pews to the front of the sanctuary. Just as my husband was getting to the Lord's Prayer Garrett pops out in front of him and says, "Hi Daddy!"

3. I started this blog because I love writing. Confessions of the Pastor's Wife is not a tell-all of parsonage living, but rather reflections and experiences of my own journey with God through all of life's ups and downs. It is an attempt to help others connect with God and to discover new facets of God for myself. I am in the process of writing a devotional book which may or may not ever be finished! :-) And, I contribute monthly to Seeds of Faith, a wonderful online forum for Christian women throughout the world.

As my youngest has decided to try jumping from the couch to recliner, I should probably end here. I'm so glad you came to visit me today, and will be by to visit you soon!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 198: I'm Going With You

2011-08-01T12:01:00.000-05:00

"Father, I don't know where you're going today, but I'm going with you."--Sheila Walsh

Driving down the road, only semi-listening to the radio, these words cut through my to-do list and planted themselves right in the center of my brain. It took me a moment to tune in to what I had heard, but as I rolled the words around in my head and let them drip onto my tongue, I realized the transforming potential of this small prayer. To begin each day with this, as Christian writer and speaker Sheila Walsh does, is a lifestyle choice that requires some major shuffling of priorities for most of us. To-do lists might be left undone. Schedules carved into cyberspace might be deleted. Our five-year plan might not be there five years from now. Our agendas must be relinquished for God's agenda; AND, we have to choose to give them up willingly!

"Father, I don't know where you're going today, but I'm going with you."

Can you imagine what the first disciples must have thought when Jesus called to them? Did Peter have any idea as he was folding away his fishing nets the events to come? Peter, the rugged fisherman, who said "Father, I don't know where you're going today, but I'm going with you." Could he have known that he would become "The Rock" on which Christ would build his church, the first of the chosen 12 to recognize Jesus as the Son of God? Could he have foreseen his spectacular denial of Jesus, chronicled throughout time in all four Gospels, or had a vision of his own bloody death on a cross? If he had, do you think he would have gone? Would you? Would I?

"Father, I don't know where you're going today, but I'm going with you."

I think that this simple prayer embodies all we are to be as Christians. Our duty, our job, is to follow Christ. But look carefully at the words above--"Father, I DON'T KNOW where you are going...." To follow Christ, we have to be willing to take a leap of faith. We have to be willing to say, "I don't know" when it comes to the what's, when's and where's of our lives. We have to live on faith, that "confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1) We have to remember that Jesus did not walk the easy road of comfort and luxury. Jesus sought out those who were poor, those who were sick, those who were oppressed, those who were weary, those who were "untouchable", those who were "sinners". We have to remember that Jesus challenged the status quo. He pointed fingers at the institutions (the government and the church) which kept people in bondage, which diminished the value and worth of human beings created in God's image.

"Father, I don't know where you're going today, but I'm going with you."

This is what I want my prayer be. This is what I want my life to be. I want this prayer to be my lifestyle choice. I want to say to God, "I'M GOING WITH YOU!!" wherever that may be. And even though the road may be difficult, I'm traveling with my Father. And there is nowhere else I want to be.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 197: Seeds of Faith Thursday

2011-07-28T07:38:00.000-05:00

I'm posting over at Seeds of Faith today, but I have to confess that I've been very lazy and just re-posted from my blog last week. It's terrible, I know, but I'm just having blogging issues at the moment! But, I'm going to work on getting back in the routine. I've sort of been living and breathing my business at the moment, working toward building it up. I've done 39 facials in the past month and sold about $1200 in retail. So, it's going well, it's just very time consuming.

It's funny, because although I've always cleaned and moisturized my face, I used to think make-up itself was somewhat trivial. What I failed to realize is that when used correctly, make-up actually brings out the natural beauty God has given each of us in our faces. It's true design is to enrich, not to reinvent. And I'm okay with that, as long as it's about me bringing forth God's best in me when I step out of the house and not about me trying to impress others or be someone I'm not. For as Proverbs 31 reminds us, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 195: Parenting Advice From the Pro

2011-07-21T08:59:00.000-05:00

The more I read about Susanna Wesley, the more I realize what an astoundingly brilliant mother she was. I mean, she did raise up John and Charles Wesley, the founder of Methodism and a prolific hymn writer, respectively. As the mother of about 100 kids (okay, 19), Susanna Wesley had to be organized and efficient, making the most of both time and resources.

According to reports, each of Susanna's children got to spend one hour alone with her per week, engaging in whatever activity they so chose. When Susanna Wesley needed some quiet time she would sit down in a chair and throw her apron up over her head. When the kids saw Mama hiding behind her own apron, they knew to leave well enough alone!! :-)

I recently came across Susanna Wesley's rules for raising children. Though written some 300 years ago, these rules are completely relevant for raising children today. As parents, it is important that we actually engage in parenting, and Susanna Wesley did this phenomenally. So, I'm taking these rules to heart. Let me know what you think!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Susanna Wesley's Rules for Raising Children

1. Allow no eating between meals. (Working on this. It does make dinner a more pleasant experience!)

2. Put all children in bed by eight o'clock. (We try to stick to this. We need some child-free time to restore our sanity!!)

3. Require them to take medicine without complaining. (My boys really like taking medicine. I'm a bit concerned.)

4. Subdue self-will in a child and thus work together with God to save his soul. (This is where I need Susanna Wesley to come over for coffee and give me a few tips!! It's hard to fight that battle day in and day out with stubborn children!)

5. Teach one to pray as soon as he can speak. (We do this before meals and at bedtime. There is nothing sweeter than sitting and listening to your children praying. I guess God must feel the same way! :-))

6. Require all to be still during family worship. (We use the nursery every Sunday. And yet, I wonder, is that the best option? Does anyone practice a family worship time? What does that look like in your house?)

7. Give them nothing that they cry for and only that which they ask for politely. (My youngest daily tests me on this!!)

8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of. (Absolutely brilliant and gives your children a first-hand experience of grace.

9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished. (I'm guessing there's a difference between a fault and a sinful act.)

10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.

11. Commend and reward good behavior. (This is so basic, but I forget it all the time. I sometimes give more notice to the negative behavior rather than the good.)

12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.

13. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters. ("Garrett, that's Stephen's Mater. Give it back to him, please."

14. Strictly preserve all promises. (If you don't, they'll remind you!!)

15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.

16. Teach children to fear the rod. (I think I need to invest in one of those!! :-))

Confession 195: God Sustains

2011-07-19T08:28:00.000-05:00

To say my boys have been a little wild lately would be an understatement. Having moved into my parents house for the week while foundation work is being done on our parsonage, the boys have taken complete leave of their senses and seem to have left their ears back at our house! They are loud, destructive, mess-making creatures who bring chaos with them at every turn. While visiting my grandma in her assisted living facility yesterday the boys were running up and down the halls and around the dining room playing cars with legos. My grandma, loving every minute, laughed and asked me, "Are they like this at home, too?"

"ALL THE TIME!!" was my response.

Now in all fairness, my boys are generally pretty good. They have wild moments, as any boys do, it's just that with all of the change this week their wild moments have become the norm and not the exception. I was thinking yesterday that I was going to have to drive the 240 miles to my in-laws and drop the boys on their doorstep! :-) (My parents are in Canada doing mission work this week.) And then, as will happen, God spoke with me this morning from the prophet Elijah.

Elijah says to the Lord, " I have had ENOUGH, Lord!" ...he lay down under the tree and fell asleep. All at once an angel touched him and said, "Get up and eat..." The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you..."

1 Kings 19: 4-7

Interestingly, or maybe I should say, humanly, Elijah spoke those words to God shortly after God had displayed his power on Mount Carmel, exposing the priests of Baal as frauds and demonstrating once again to the nation of Israel that Yahweh is the one, true God. Yet instead of being full of confidence, of recognizing that he, Elijah, served the Most High God, Elijah took Jezebel's threat to end his life seriously and headed for the hills. Even though God had shown Elijah firsthand his power, his glory, his might, Elijah still said, "I have had ENOUGH!"

The truth is, there are situations in all of our lives where we decide to tell God enough is enough, despite the ways God has sustained us in the past and our knowledge that he will do so in the future.

But here's what I love...instead of telling Elijah off, commanding him to get up and stop being a baby and get the job done, God ministers to Elijah. God comforts Elijah. God sustains Elijah. Do you see the love God has in his heart for his people? Do you feel the love God has for you? Elijah told God he had had enough and God responded with comfort and care, with empathy and compassion. God said, "I know this journey is too much for you, so let me see you through."

Have you recently told God you've had enough? I want you to know that God knows you've had enough. He knows this journey is too much for you. And, he loves you with a love so great, so deep, so wide, so high that he is bringing you nourishment that will strengthen you, sustain you, and see you through!!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 194: God Has a Special Place in HIs Heart For Fools Like Me

2011-07-15T08:07:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday I crashed a baby shower. Don't worry, it was for a friend, but it wasn't the shower I was invited to.

The shower I was invited to was 120 miles away and I was on my own. I was enjoying some quality me time while speeding down the highway to make it to the shower by 2:00. At 1:50 I pulled into the parking lot of the church where the shower was being held. Grabbing my gifts I walked inside, only to find the church dark. Hearing some voices, I followed them to the sanctuary--an odd place for a baby shower I thought, but whatever. Walking into the sanctuary I was a bit surprised to find, not a baby shower, but a kid's dance troupe. I started to get a little tingle of anxiety.

"Um, where's the baby shower?" I asked.
"Baby shower?" one of the kids replied.

Panic officially started to sink in. You see, I hadn't actually looked at the invitation to double check the date. But, as I told my husband in my frantic phone call, "I could have sworn the shower was today! I wrote it down on my calendar!" I could litearlly feel his eyes rolling from 120 miles away. Shortly thereafter I received a text that read: "The shower is next Sunday!!"

Not to be deterred, I headed over to my friend's house. At least I could drop off gifts and visit for a bit, right? As I pulled up the drive her husband met me at the door. She wasn't there. However, I was pleased to discover she was actually at a baby shower (hers) in a town about 20 miles up the road. I had driven 120 miles for a baby shower--what was another 20? The problem, however, was that her husband was as sure of the location of the shower as I was of the shower date. Just as I was opening the door to head out he told me that they had just purchased a red Sierra minivan.

So, I startred driving once again. When I got to the street where her husband thought the baby shower was being held I breathed a sigh of relief. Things were working out after all.

Halfway through my fourth loop of the street, I came to the conclusion that there was no baby shower taking place here. I knew I couldn't call Chris again and tell him I couldn't find the baby shower I had now driven 140 miles to attend, so I headed down side streets looking for the only clue I had--a red Sierra minivan. Low and behold, a red Sierra minivan appeared in front of a house with a silver star balloon tied to the front. Regardless of whether or not this was my friend's party, I was going in!! Walking up the steps, I took a deep breath, smiled, and pulled open the front door--the time for knocking had passed!

"Sara?!" my friend said. "Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you're here!"

Whew! The hostess and friends were very grateful and gracious at the sudden presence of a total stranger in their midst. The shower was lovely, but more so was the opportrunity to visit with a friend, and to make new friends! On the drive back home I kept thanking God over and over for looking out for fools like me!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 193: The Saleswoman

2011-07-09T07:38:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems I have taken a little blogging break for the week. And although I have missed keeping up with you all, I have a good excuse. I started my own business!! I am now an official "Independent Beauty Consultant" and am having a blast! I've started wearing make-up on a regular basis, which might be selling out a bit as I've never been much of a make-up person, but it's really "all about the skin-care". And, I've been using cleansers and moisturizers for fifteen years. Anyway, I'm linking up to my website if you'd like to take a look. I will be setting up a pay by credit card option within the next week.

I woke up this morning with the song "I Stand Amazed" stuck in my head. It's an old hymn and the chorus goes like this: (I often wake up with old hymns running through my head--I'm just weird like that. I see them as little gifts from God to start my day!! :-))

How marvelous, how wonderful
And my song shall ever be
How marvelous, how wonderful
Is my Savior's love for me.

I think I forget how much God truly loves me. It's unfathomable, especially on days when I don't really love myself. But here's the reality:

Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future,

nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from the love of God. Romans 8:38-39

And finally, today is my niece's first birthday. She's so cute she won the local news' baby of the week picture contest!! Happy Birthday, Baby O!!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 192: With the Morning Light

2011-06-30T09:15:00.000-05:00

When I was a child, I was terribly afraid of the dark. I had, and have, a vivid imagination which would produce very real, very terrifying dreams while I slept, usually involving the "big, bad wolf". I would wake from my nightmares, heart pounding, ears on point, looking around at all of the objects in my room to make sure all was as it was supposed to be.

Some nights I would flee from my bed and take shelter in between my parents as they slept. Other times, my fear would overtake all reason and, sure that some danger lurked within our house, I could not bring myself to step foot out of my bed. On those occasions, I found myself gazing at the dark sky out my bedroom window waiting for the first glimmer of light that signifies a new day. I waited for that moment when the blackness would give way to inky blue. Only then would my heart slow, my body relax, and I could once more rest easily.

Although I have grown out of my childhood fears, there are still moments in my life where I find myself waiting for that first glimpse of morning light. We all face moments of darkness in our lives, whether it be the loss of a loved one, sickness, unemployment, broken relationships, big decisions or major transitions. Our fear, our sadness, our indecisiveness can all work to paralyze us. We find ourselves watching for the morning light, because that first glimmer of a new day is our hope for tomorrow.

They Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105

Whatever you face today, know that God will bring you the hope of the morning light. You may have to wait, you may have to watch, but slowly and surely the light will come. And while you're waiting, take a cue from the Psalmist above. Turn to God's Word. Read. Read again. Read some more. Let the words of God's love soak into your spirit and know that there is hope. Get up early tomorrow and watch the sky turn from black to blue. Let your hope arise with the morning light and know that God, your God, will never abandon or forsake you.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 191: To Live a Better Story

2011-06-27T08:45:00.001-05:00

My husband is doing a book club series for the summer, and this week's selection is Donald Miller's A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. In this book, author Donald Miller explores the idea that the qualities which make a good story are the same qualities that come together to make a good life.

Life is lived in story, and as Christians, we are called to live a better story. Donald Miller states that, "A story is based on what people think is important, so when we live a story, we are telling people around us what we think is important."

Which begs the question....

When you look at your life, what do you see? Would it make an interesting story? Would it make a good story? Is it a story you would want to tell? Is it a story you would want others to tell?

One of the things that Miller comes back to over and over in his book is that story is about character transformation, and if our lives are a story, then the point of our lives is the journey we take to transformation. And, we reach that transformation through a series of "inciting" incidents. "The inciting incident is how you get (characters) to do something. It's the doorway through which they can't return, you know. The story takes care of the rest."

God uses "inciting" incidents in our lives to prompt us to make the changes we need to make in order to live a better story. These incidents could include the loss of a relationship, loss of a job, gaining of a job, birth of a child, unexpected illness or injury, or, in Miller's case, the opportunity to turn his life into a screenplay.

God used an inciting incident in Paul's life as he walked the road to Damascus. Confident in his role as persecutor of Christians, Paul (then Saul) was brought to his knees by Christ himself and chose, in that moment, to be transformed and to live a better story.

Life is more than schedules, and work, and the day to day grind. Life is about living a better story. It is about allowing ourselves to be transformed by our Creator so that we may go out into the world and make a difference, regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in. Look at Job, Miller states. "Job found contentment and even joy, outside the context of comfort, health or stability. He understood the story was not about him, and he cared more about the story then he did about himself."

It is not an accident then that Jesus spent most of his time teaching through story. Mark 4:33 states that...

With many stories like these, he presented his message to them, fitting the stories to their experience and maturity. He was never without a story when he spoke. When he was alone with his disciples, he went over everything, sorting out the tangles, untying the knots.

Our life is about living a story. And, as did the disciples long ago, when we go to the Lord in prayer, he will go over everything in our stories, sorting out the tangles and untying the knots.

So I have to ask: Are you living a better story?

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Linking up with Michelle @ Graceful

Confession 190: Abiding in Surrender

2011-06-22T08:06:00.000-05:00

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness. 2 Corinthians 12: 7-9

Surrender can be a bitter pill to swallow. Many of us go to a place of surrender to God only after life's circumstance throws a huge obstacle in our path we can't climb over, go around, dig under or push through. We finally say, "That's it! I give up! You take it God." And then we stand back, hands on hips, catching our breath while we wait for God to vaporize it. And we wait, and wait, and wait. A few seconds stretch into minutes. We look each way, then crane our heads to the sky. Impatience begins to creep up from our feet, which are itching to get back on the path. The minutes continue on, but the obstacle is still in the path. "Did you hear me?" we call to the sky? "Hello!" "Hello!?" "Hello?" Minutes stretch into hours, which bleed away the day. Darkness falls and we find ourselves asking, "God, where are you?" Days pass into weeks, months, even years. We've gone from a pup tent to pouring a foundation to a 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath house. And still, we wait, surrendering again, and again with each new day.

The reality of surrender is that sometimes, God calls us to abide in it. As Paul states in the above passage, these seasons of our lives living amidst obstacles we cannot budge are opportunities for God to demonstrate his power. But sometimes, the power he is demonstrating to us is his power to provide and care for us in the midst of our darkest hours. And we learn the lesson that surrender is not a one time thing, but something we must do over and over with the dawn of each new day. Abiding in surrender.

But don't think for a moment that God is being mean, choosing to ignore a very real problem for the sake of disciplining his pig-headed children. While we are learning to abide in surrender, God is working on the other side of that obstacle building a better rode, toll-free, for us to travel. He's straightening out the curves, adding extra lanes, re-paving and re-painting. He's adding new road signs to help guide our path and creating new exits for us to take. God is working while we're abiding. Make no mistake about it, God can and will vaporize that obstacle blocking our path, but not before the road, and we, are ready!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 189: Lessons from Dad

2011-06-19T09:01:00.000-05:00

As it is Father's Day, I thought I'd write a bit about my Dad. My Dad has been a teacher for the past 30 + years. He "retired" seven years ago but has two part-time teaching jobs which keep him busy everyday. My Dad has been one of the greatest influences in my life, and I wanted to share with him (and you) some of the most important lessons this perennial teacher has taught me over the years.

Lesson One: The Importance of Faith
I was raised in the church. From the beginning, church was a priority. If the doors were open, we were there, actively involved in kids groups, choir, missions, bells, etc... But more than that, it was important to both of my parents that not only were we in church, but that we "got" church. In our house, we talked about our faith constantly. After church on Sundays, my dad would ask us what we learned. It wasn't a quiz, it was a true discussion. We'd share, then we'd talk and reflect on what was shared as a family. My dad encouraged us to go deeper into our faith, to ask tough questions and to ponder the answers. Even now our conversations are full of biblical study as we continue to question and ponder the mysteries of faith. If I have a Bible question, I call my dad. He gets his Bible out and we go through it together, figuring out the answers together.

Lesson Two: It'll be Okay
Born out of faith, this expression is one of my father's personal mantras. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I call Dad and he assures me with full confidence that, "It'll be okay." And when he says it, I believe him. My Dad gives me peace of mind and heart, while he takes all of my worries and anxieties upon himself. He works through my problems, seeks expert advice, then comes back to me with possible solutions for the problem at hand. No matter how old I get, I know that I will always be my Daddy's little girl and that, until he takes his last breath, he will be working in my life and the lives of my children trying to "make it okay".

Lesson Three: Laughter Cures All
In our house, there is laughter. It doesn't matter how serious the circumstance, how formal the occasion, we laugh. My Dad, with his goofy sense of humor, has taught me that you can, and should, laugh at yourself on a daily basis. And, if I can't laugh at myself, he will do it for me!! :-) Laughter relieves tension, makes impossible situations seem manageable, and keeps you from taking yourself too seriously. When my sister was younger, she had a lisp. And, although my parents got her into speech therapy, it didn't stop us laughing about it. My Dad and I used to ask her to say my name, which has several "s"'s in it. When she'd lisp her way through it, we would all be rolling on the floor. Mean? Maybe. But was my sister embarrassed about her lisp? No way! No one could give her more trouble about it than us! :-) Laughter cures all.

Lesson Four: Work or Play, Give Your Best Each Day
My Dad's philosophy on life is to take it by the horns and go. Work as hard as you play and play as hard as you work. My Dad's philosophy on life is that it's a gift which should be used. When my Dad works, he gives all of himself. He builds relationships with his students that last throughout the years. Students from 25 years ago proudly call him friend. Growing up, Dad lived at the school. He taught high school English, History, Speech, Psychology. He directed the school plays for fifteen years, announced the high school football games for 20, kept stats at the basketball games, coached the golf team to several state placements, and ran the speech/debate program. If his students were in the building, he was there. And, more often than not, so were my sister and I. The high school was a second home to us, which probably explains why my sister and I love working with teenagers today.

Yet, not only does Dad give 110% at work, he also gives 110% at play. Growing up, Dad would play golf every day in the summer leaving my sister and I at the pool. We spent our time splashing around in the water and ordering frozen Snickers bars, cheeseburgers and Shirley Temple's from the clubhouse bar. We'd slide back home minutes before Mom got there and scramble to do at least one of the chores she'd left for us that day! Each summer would also bring a road trip with picnics and museum tours and hours spent scouring old Civil War battlefields. We got up early and stayed up late, filling each day with memories.

Lesson Five: Love Each Day
Now that I have children of my own, my Dad is helping me to appreciate the beauty of each day. One of his best and most common pieces of advice is, "Just enjoy it. You're going to miss these days when they're gone." And although toddlers are a challenge, there's a part of me that knows he's right. Because, Dad does know best.

I love you, Dad!!
Sara

Confession 188: The Lord is My Shepherd

2011-06-14T19:37:00.000-05:00

The Lord is my shepherd

We will lie down in green grass

We will walk by quiet water

God will give me peace in my soul

Because God loves me, he will lead me

His rod will show me where to walk

His staff will keep me safe

Enemies may be all around me

But I will eat in peace and safety

I am the Lord's welcome guest

My cup will run over

God's goodness and love will be with me every day of my life

And I will live in God's house forever

Phil A. Smouse- I Can Read God's Word: The Lord is my Shepherd

Confession 187: Annual Conference

2011-06-03T06:48:00.000-05:00

Heading down to Springfield, Missouri this weekend for Annual Conference--bureaucracy in the name of the Lord! I'm not sure this is what John Wesley had in mind in the early days of Methodism. I think he'd prefer a two hour business session and then send people out to continue the work of God. However, this is the 21st century, and we like meetings. Wish me luck! My bottom is already sore just thinking about all of the sitting I'm going to be doing.

I am going to make it a productive session, however. I'm beginning the process of writing a devotional book using the themes in some of my blog posts. I printed all of them off, and I have to say it's kind of cool to be holding a body of work I've actually written. I don't know that anything will come of it, but writing is a dream I've always had and I figure there's no time like the present! :-)

So, what's your weekend look like?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 186: If Disney Ran The World....

2011-05-28T08:54:00.000-05:00

If Disney ran the world, we'd all wear ears...

These would be the new faces of the President and First Lady...

Dinner would always be had with friends...

And there would be dancing...

Flip flops would rule...

Princesses would commune with the public...

Fireworks would light the night skies...

We'd all live in a castle...

And bedtime would be forgotten!

Confession 185: Where Are My People?

2011-05-26T00:01:00.002-05:00

Posting today on being God's hands and feet at Seeds of Faith today.

See you there!
Sara

Confession 184: Summer is Short and So Is Your Patience

2011-05-17T06:00:00.001-05:00

As we are going to be gallivanting through the realms of Disney World this week, I asked my fellow bloggy writer and friend Amy Sullivan to guest post this week. Amy has devoted this year and her family to the practice of gracious giving. And in the process, she has pushed me to think more of and attempt to do more with all that God has given to me. This post will give all of us mom's needing things to do a head start for the summer!! Be sure to check Amy out at Amy Sullivan!

When The Summer is Long and Your Patience is Short

After running through sprinklers loses its appeal and swinging and swimming grow old, your kids may be ~~driving you insane~~ searching for something constructive to do during the lazy days of summer.

Seize this opportunity and bam! Hit your darlings with fun, service projects they can complete right from your home.

Check out a few favorites:

Make a Child Smile. Write letters and send words of encouragement to children who are chronically ill.

Plan an Almost Sleepover. Kids from every state in the USA are participating in an Almost Sleepover to help raise money for your child’s local charity of choice. Discover the details and start planning your own sleepover.

Feeling crafty? Check out one of Craft Hope’s latest projects. In Project 12, kids make bracelets to send to kids in Russia, and Project 13 encourages crafters to create security blankets for tornado victims. Not crafty? No problem. Step-by-step instructions are available.

Too little to craft much? Color A Smile collects and distributes crayon drawings to nursing homes and Meals on Wheels programs across the country.

Everybody can be great because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. – Martin Luther King Jr.

Here’s to helping raise souls generated by love and filling our summer days with purpose.

Confession 183: Little Hugs

2011-05-14T07:54:00.000-05:00

One of the things you may or may not know about me is that I love shopping. Don't worry, I'm not talking about some sort of Confessions of a Shopaholic syndrome. I never go into "cool" stores. If Kohl's doesn't sell it, then I'm not interested. And, I refuse to buy anything full price. That said, shopping can be a recreational activity for me. So, this past year has been difficult as my shopping ability has been limited to the max. No money = No shopping. On the plus side, it's been an excellent lesson in discipline for me. And, as Christian financial guru Dave Ramsey says, if you live like no one else now, later, you will be able to live as no one else. That said, when I was invited to a "Lei Sophia" jewelry party, I knew I was in trouble.

As I was walking out the door of our house, my ever disciplined and self-controlled husband said to me, "Don't take the checkbook!" I was okay at first. I kept reminding myself of our upcoming vacation my in-laws are taking us on and that spending $30.00 here would be $30.00 less to spend at Disney World. But the more I looked, the more the shopping fiend in me said, "it's only....., it's only....." However, through it all I stuck with the plan. I held my ground and didn't spend anything. And when the ticket numbers were called for the two doorprizes (necklaces, both) my numbers were called!! Of course, I only kept one of the necklaces. And I felt so guilty about not buying anything that I booked a Lei Sophia party for July. But I have to say, as I slipped that necklace around my neck, I felt like I was getting a little hug from God. It was as if God was saying, "I know you, my little girl, and I've got you covered." Silly...yes. And, if my seminary professors read this they would absolutely cringe at my consumeristic, entitled, Westernized theology. But in that moment, I felt God speaking. And the message I heard was, "I love you."

So tell me, has God given you any little hugs lately?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 182: The Sentinel

2011-05-07T09:01:00.001-05:00

For mother's day, I thought I'd write a tribute to my mom. She's impossible to shop for, always insists there's nothing she needs. So, I thought this might be a better gift. I love you, Mom!!

When I look in my rearview mirror, I see her standing there, a silent sentinel watching, watching, until the van turns a corner and is out of sight. It has been the same for seventeen years now, ever since I made that first trip from home to college. My mom, standing on the front porch, watching over her children until she can no longer see them. A touchstone, a reminder that no matter how far I go Mom is always there, the northern star on which I set my compass.

This is the woman who held my hair back and stroked my face with a cool washcloth every time I was sick, who woke me up with songs in the morning while her fingers gently rubbed my back. The woman who made Cream of Wheat while singing the Cream of Wheat song on cold winter mornings, who made my lunch even when I could have made it myself, writing my name on the brown bag in black Sharpie marker in her flowing cursive hand. Another reminder that mom was there, even through the emotional upheaval that is junior high.

This is the woman whose arms are always open to me, who showed me that it's okay to just need a hug every once in awhile. The woman who took my hand and led me to stand before my first casket, softly reassuring me that it was okay to cry as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "It's not easy," she told me over my grandfather's grave. "But in this culture, we bury our dead." We bury them, but we don't forget them, making the rounds every Spring to resting places that would otherwise be long forgotten.

This is the woman who taught me that in our house, we do the right thing, no matter how hard, no matter how popular. The woman who stayed up nights with me, watching while I finished countless papers and projects, who would not let me put off until tomorrow things that could be done today. The woman who trusted me enough to make the right decisions, but who left post-it notes on the bathroom mirror late at night instructing me to wake her up so she could make sure the choices I had made were, indeed, the right ones.

When I look in my rearview mirror, I see my mother. She is always there, watching, waiting, letting me go, with the knowledge that her lessons and her love will carry me wherever I need to go.

Thank you, Mom. I love you!
Sara

Confession 181: One Week Later

2011-05-01T14:07:00.000-05:00

On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jewish leaders, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord. Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.” And with that he breathed on them and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit"....A week later, his disciples were in the house again... John 20:19-22, 26

It's been one week since Easter Sunday. One week since the church was full of people smiling, laughing, embracing and singing. One week since the pews overflowed and the balcony door was thrown open. One week since the "hallelujahs" and "amens" filled the air and we celebrated God's victory over the grave. One week...a lot can change. On Easter Sunday we celebrate our salvation, we commemorate our freedom from a life of sin and death. On Easter Sunday we take hope in transformation, both of ourselves and the world through the love of Christ. On Easter Sunday, we BELIEVE. Yet, as my husband asked the congregation in his sermon this morning, "Where are you today?" Where are you one week later? Do you still believe?

Look carefully at the Scripture passage above. On the first day of the week, the disciples had a transforming encounter with the risen Christ. They had been given the gift of the Holy Spirit and were commissioned to go forth and continue the work Jesus began. They were excited, they celebrated, they BELIEVED!! Yet, one week later... Do you see it? One week later the disciples were locked in the house again!! They had SEEN Jesus, they had TOUCHED Jesus, they had IMBIBED the Holy Spirit and they still didn't believe enough to LEAVE!! The disciples were stuck in the muck of their fear and despair. The chains were broken but they couldn't bring themselves to open the door and step outside. A world was waiting, and they were hiding out. Praise God they didn't stay stuck in that room forever. Jesus came back (he always comes back) and sent them forth once again. But we do the same thing, don't we?

For some of us, we find ourselves longing for the freedom Christ brings but are too afraid to step out of ourselves to claim it. For others of us, we profess to believe in the transforming love of God but fail to take that love out to a world in need. We leave the miracle of the Resurrection behind us in the sanctuary until next Easter rolls around. Yet when we do that, we miss the entire point of the story. Christ didn't live, he LIVES. HE LIVES!! It is now up to us, his disciples, to act like it.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 180: Gracious Giving

2011-04-28T07:14:00.000-05:00

I'm posting over at Amy Sullivan's blog today, as well as Seeds of Faith. It's been a busy day!! :-)

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 179: Hope for the Journey

2011-04-27T06:46:00.000-05:00

I have to be honest, I've been a bit down lately. I'm entering into my second year without a contracted full-time job. I interviewed for a job in which I thought God was opening a door only to find it wasn't so. I've been surrendering and re-surrendering to God's plan but have no clear idea of what that plan might be. I'm tired of pinching pennies and living paycheck to paycheck. And, I miss shopping. Materialistic? Probably, but true. And yet, I've learned a lot about myself and my priorities through this process. I feel like God is teaching me some good lessons about what is important. Furthermore, God has provided for all of our NEEDS. He has been faithful, and I am trying to be so as well. Although this season of my life is lasting a bit longer than I expected or desired, I know God's plan will be revealed in HIS time. The pieces will all come together and I will look back and say, "Wow! God is so cool!!"

And so, God led me this morning to an encouraging Word, more hope for this journey.
The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation...He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1: 15,17

Did you get that last part? In HIM, all things hold together. I don't know what you're facing in your life right now, but Paul is clear here that God's got it covered. So if you're feeling tired, overwhelmed, defeated, or anxious--if it seems like life is falling apart--take heart! God is holding it all together!! And, unlike us, his hands are big enough to do it all!! God is not going to drop the ball when it comes to yours and my life! Where we see one big mess, one impossible hurdle to overcome, God sees a master plan coming together. I love those t-shirts that say, "Work in Progress". I think I need that phrase stamped on my forehead! :-) God is constantly working in our lives. So, I'm surrendering once again to God's will today and I am taking hope and comfort in the fact that HE is holding it all together.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 178: The Sacrifice of Love

2011-04-19T07:26:00.000-05:00

This past Sunday marked the beginning of what we in the Methodist church simply refer to as "Holy Week". For us, it is the most sacred time of year, the week in which we walk with Jesus from his triumphant entry into Jerusalem, through the valley of the shadow of death, to emerge once again victorious in resurrection. We mark the week with services on Thursday, Friday and Sunday in order to remember and commemorate the Last Supper, the Crucifixtion and the Resurrection. It is so tempting to run from the celebration on Palm Sunday to the pure joy Easter morning brings. However, when we do that, when we don't walk with Jesus through the valley, we miss the whole point of Easter. Easter doesn't begin with the empty tomb (it doesn't end there either, for that matter). Easter begins with Jesus' willing walk to the cross, through torture, humiliation and agonizing pain. We need to bear witness to that part of the story, painful though it may be, to understand the full meaning of the sacrifice of love God made. And, we need to understand that we, like those who lived two thousand years ago, are culprits in the crime. We, like the soldiers, have mocked Jesus. We, like Peter, have denied him. We, like Judas, have betrayed him. We, like the disciples on the road to Emmaus, have failed to recognize him. (See Rev. Adam Hamilton's book, 24 Hours That Changed the World)

I would challenge you, as you continue through this most Holy of weeks, to spend some time in the valley with Jesus. Walk through the darkness of Thursday and Friday. See Jesus' anguish in Gethsemane. Watch as he is beaten, humiliated and mocked. And finally, bear witness to his death on the cross, realizing that it was because of us, and for us, that this sacrifice was made. Then, and only then, can we rise on Sunday morning and sing with joy, "Because he lives, I can face tomorrow...."

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 177: Surrender

2011-04-12T07:12:00.000-05:00

One of the things I've been thinking about a lot lately is surrender. You may have heard the old hymn, "I Surrender All"..."all to Jesus, I surrender, I surrender all." About a week ago, I sang a new song. I don't remember the name, but I wrote down a few lyrics that seemed to bore their way right into my heart. In my journal I posed the following questions to myself:

1. Can you abandon your heart to God?
2. Can you truly say, "all I have is yours"?
3. Can you surrender all to God?

If I abandon my heart to God, if I freely give him all I have, if I completely surrender myself to his will, then that means all of the desires of my heart, all of the plans from my life, all of my hopes and dreams need to be left on the altar before him. Everything I want to achieve needs to be let go of so that I may pick up and carry the desires of God's heart for me, the plans HE has for my life, the hopes and dreams HE has created for me when he knit me together in my mother's womb.

"For I KNOW the plans I have for you...." God says through Jeremiah. "...plans to give you hope and a FUTURE." The problem for me comes when that future is not part of the future I had envisioned for myself. When God says no to my plans, it stings a bit. And I stubbornly cling to what I want to achieve rather than open myself to what God would have me achieve.

We live in a culture that thrives on ambition and the desire to achieve. Be the best. Work hard. Gain wealth and status. Compete. Dominate. Like anyone else, I want to be successful. I want to have a thriving career, to be respected in my field, to accomplish things and to have some financial security. Yet, interestingly enough, God seems to want something different. I can't help but think back to Micah 6:8. What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. Walk Humbly....Surrender All. I think the two are bound together. To walk humbly with God is to accept the desires, plans, dreams he has for your life and to follow him, freely, wherever than may be.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 176: Fear What?

2011-04-06T21:33:00.000-05:00

My oldest got a new bike this Christmas--a big boy bike with a helmet and training wheels. He was hesitant at first, but got the hang of it quickly. We rode as much as we could as weather permitted, and Garrett flew. He was fearless. It was exhilarating. Then came "the fall". On an uneven bit of pavement, Garrett toppled to the ground and skinned his bony little knee. Enter fear. Where was there was joy and freedom, now there is fear and frustration. Garrett is convinced if he rides his bike he will fall and get hurt. Nothing Chris or I say or do makes a difference. He's stuck in a fear block.

It occurs to me that we, as adults, can run into the fear block when it comes to living out our lives. Fear has got to be one of the greatest weapons Satan uses against us. Fear immobilizes us, takes away our freedom and robs us of our joy. It worms its way into our minds, telling us we can't, we're not good enough, we don't know how, we'll get hurt. Satan uses fear to keep us from doing the work that God has for us to do.

Yet here's the truth I've found in my own life. God asks us to take our fear head-on and plow through. God tells us to get back up on that bike and keep going. When Elijah was hiding out in a cave because Jezebel wanted his head (literally) God found him and told him to head back down the mountain. God wants us to take a leap of faith so he can show us his power and his love. God doesn't want us to live bound up in fear, but rather, to live a life of freedom in him. And to live freely in him, we must learn to become fearless.

My memory verse for the week is from Exodus 14:13-14. Priscilla Shirer used it in her "Going Beyond" event last week and I am taking it to heart.

"And Moses said to the people, 'Do not be afraid! Stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord is bringing to you TODAY! The Lord WILL fight for you; you need only to BE STILL!!'"

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 175: Soccer and Psalm 42

2011-04-02T21:16:00.000-05:00

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God,

For I will yet praise him!

Confession 174: Perk Ups!

2011-03-28T07:00:00.000-05:00

It's Monday, four days from April, and there is snow on the ground. We wore shorts last Monday, and now I'm going to be walking to school today in a winter coat, hat and mittens. It's dark and I'm sleepy. Coffee is just not going to get me there today. Actually, coffee generally just makes me sleepier than when I started. So, I'm going a different route today. Here are a few Monday perk-ups for you right from our holy percolator!

The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere...those who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:17-18

In repentance and rest is your salvation;
in quiet and trust is your strength. Isaiah30:15

I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I may not sin against you. Psalm 119: 9-11

And finally, whatever is right, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely; if anything be admirable, excellent or praiseworthy, think on these things. Philippians 4:8

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 173: Peace I Leave With You

2011-03-24T07:04:00.000-05:00

Talking about peace at Seeds of Faith today!

Blessings,
Sara

Confession 172: Power Washed

2011-03-21T06:45:00.000-05:00

I'd like to introduce you today to my friend, Liz. Liz is a retired English teacher, a gardener, a writer, an evangelist and an overall tender of souls. Liz is someone my husband and I both agree we want to be like when we grow up! Some people are on fire for God, but Liz just explodes!! She is a treasured part of our community, and I wanted to share her with you all. Liz writes a weekly column in our local newspaper and our church newsletter. They're all gems, but this one in particular has stuck with me. It's titled, "Power Washed".

"Did you put on a new deck?" Ron asked when he drove p to the front of our house last Sunday.

"No, we just had it power washed," I told him. "John did it for us."

Now I hate to admit this, but in the 15 to 20 years we've had the front and back decks on, we've never had them power washed or water proofed. And yes they were gray with weathering and black even in some places and terribly slick when it rained with all the years' accumulation of stuff on them. In fact, when it rained, we had to always warn people to be careful as they walked across the deck. And why did we never have this power washing done before? I guess I had so many plants and furniture on that I thought it would be too big a job to clear the decks. And why did we finally take the plunge? Well, I think God must have sent John out to us. He was doing some work for us and he just casually said, Now if you want me to clean these decks I can do it. No problem."

I promptly said, "No, I don't think so."

Well, it turned out I had to get some of the planters and furniture off anyway for him, and so the light came on in my head finally and I thought if we're ever going to do it, now is the time with half the stuff already off. So 65 planters off the back deck and 20 off the front deck plus tables, chairs, benches, and fire pot, the decks were ready for their new grand appearance. And yes, it was a lot of trouble. Some of the planters were so big I had to take the plants and dirt out before I could move them off the deck. But it was worth it all. And to just think this could have been done a long time ago. Why is it easier to put up with the ugly when it could be replaced by the beautiful?

So now I ask myself why do I keep holding onto bad habits or selfish and impatient attitudes when I could just let Jesus power wash them right out of my life! I guess partly because I would have to make up my mind to do it. My mom used to always say, "First I've gotta convince myself." And then, of course, I'd have to do my part before Jesus could do his part. But what a great thing to be able to say, "Power washed by Jesus!"
If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

Love in Jesus,
God's "Power Washed" Servant,
Liz

Confession 171: "Adventures in Missing the Point" Pt. 1

2011-03-14T21:39:00.001-05:00

My husband began a new message series for Lent entitled "Adventures in Missing the Point", based on the book of the same name by Tony Campolo and Brian McLaren. The premise behind the series is that as Christians, sometimes we miss the point of Jesus' teachings. We get caught up in all of the doctrine and legalism of church and forget the true Gospel message. Hmmmm....sound Pharisee-ish to anyone else?

One of the ways that we as Christians can easily miss the point is in regard to God's nature. Perhaps the biggest stumbling block for Christians and non-Christians alike is our lack of ability to grasp the sense of unthinkable tragedy. Often times, our first response is to question God (Why did this happen?) or even to lay blame (Why did YOU let this happen?) Why would a God who professes to love allow thousands of people to be lost in a moment? Why would a God who speaks of redemption turn his back when an innocent child is murdered? It doesn't make sense. Yet, as Jesus shows us in the following scriptures, these questions miss the point.

Click on the link to read the following scripture: John 9:1-12

In this passage, the church folk see a man in need and, instead of helping, ask Jesus who sinned to bring about his suffering. Jesus' response? No one. This man's suffering was not a fault of his own or anyone else. "Why" was not the point. The point was that through this man's suffering God's glory was revealed.

Go with me to one more passage: Luke 13:1-5 Again, the message is similar. God does not rain down suffering for sin. Rather, he offered his own son as a sin offering for each of us. When tragedy strikes, it is not God punishing, but rather it becomes an opportunity for us to live out our faith and to show the love of God to a world in need.

One of the things my husband has heard said often of the reconstruction following Hurricane Katrina is that Christians have re-built the Gulf Coast. Christian groups, churches and organizations are still re-building down in the Gulf over five years after the destruction from Katrina. In the midst of great tragedy, God's love has been shown. And that is our call today, to show the love of God in the midst of the darkness of the world while remembering that in all things God works together with those who love him to bring about what is good. (Romans 8:28)

I know there are many faith-based relief organizations that will be working through the crisis in Japan. One such organization is the United Methodist Committee On Relief (UMCOR). UMCOR has the distinction of being one of the first organizations on the ground when tragedy strikes and the last organization to leave. No money donated to UMCOR goes to overhead costs, like utilities, office space and salary. Rather, each dollar donated to UMCOR goes directly to helping those in need. It's one way to make a difference, but there are many others. Our challenge and purpose, as people who have been redeemed, is to find ways to share that redemption story with others, to look for opportunities to fight the cynicism and pessimism of our society with acts of mercy and hope. This is what Jesus was talking about when he called us to love--love God, love others. The first flows freely into the second. So let me ask you this--who will you love today?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 170: Misdirected

2011-03-08T06:58:00.000-06:00

My husband and I were talking the other day about how much our American news culture misdirects us from the news that really matters. A Hollywood "celebrity" with a drug habit he can't kick becomes top story while a potential civil war in the Mideast, the economy, and the protests in Wisconsin get bumped down to second-rate stories. I've often thought that our news media would rather we be mindless and "content" than mindful and productive.

As I was considering misdirection, it became apparent to me how much Satan works to keep us misdirected in our spiritual lives. How many times do you find your mind wandering all over the place when you pray? How often do you feel overwhelmed when problems arise in your daily life? How often do you sit down to study the Word only to find another more "pressing" matter to attend to at that very moment? (Totally speaking to myself here!) How often do you take one huge step forward in your faith walk only to find the past pulling you three steps back?

As we enter into the season of Lent, I would challenge all of us to avoid the misdirections that can veer us off course. If you're thinking of giving something up, find something that truly pulls you away from God to let go of. If you don't want to give something up, take something on that will bring you closer to the one who directs us in the paths of righteousness. This year, I've been inspired by my friend Liz and Amy Sullivan. Check out Amy's blog on Gracious Giving for some awesome ways you can take something on this Lenten season. I'm going to take on Scripture memory and really work to follow the Deuteronomy 6:4-9 principles of keeping the Word every before me an on me. I'm going to daily carry a Scripture with me. Amy reminded me one of her last posts how powerful simply carrying a Scripture can be.

Paul wrote a lot about focus in the book of Philippians. If you're feeling misdirected, consider this:

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3: 13-14

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 169: I'm So Full!!

2011-03-04T07:22:00.000-06:00

As a lover of food, there have been many times in my life where I have tossed a napkin down onto an empty plate, thrown my head back, caressed my stomach and exclaimed, "I am so FULL! That was really good!!" The problem, however, with being full is that it's really not satisfying. When I'm full, I mean full, I feel lethargic. My initial impulse is to go lay down and take a nap, which is really counterproductive to the concept of food energy. Then comes the psychological game. You know, the "I can't believe I ate all of that but it was so good but now I have to make up for it but I really want to wash it down with some ice cream" game. Somehow, being physically full just leaves me running on empty.

Yet, there is a fullness that is fulfilling, energizing and affirming--a fullness that doesn't end in guilt and self-loathing. I'm talking, of course, of the fullness that comes with spending quality time with God; spiritual fullness. Have you ever gotten up from spending time with God to say, "I'm so FULL!" In contrast to feeling tired and drained, when I'm spiritually full I find that my energy abounds. I want to get up, get moving and embrace the day! I also feel good about myself. Spending time with God reminds me of who I am, whose I am, and what I am here to do. God fills me up so that I can got out and do his work in the world. And the best part of being spiritually full is that you can come back for more!! You can have a full five course meal with God and not regret it later! In fact, God wants us to keep coming back for more. Unlike our stomachs, our spirits need to be filled with God. Our goal as Christians should be spiritual fullness.

In Christ, you have been brought to fullness. Colossians 2:10

Which begs the question, are you full today?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 168: Thank You!

2011-02-27T21:15:00.000-06:00

Last year, as I was watching the Academy Awards, I posted this. I tried to do a new original one, but everything I would ever want to say is right here. So, I'm re-posting.

I don't know about anyone else, but I've always kind of liked Awards shows. Okay, I'll admit it, I LOVE the Academy Awards!! Before I had children, I used to see all of the nominated films each year. I held Oscar viewing parties, I had my ballot filled out and ready to go. One year, I even made Oscar themed games and gave away Academy Award winning movies for prizes!! Yes, there is a little domestic diva who lies buried inside of me and pops her head out from time to time! This year, I only saw Up. But I saw it every day for two months straight, so that has to count for something!!

As I'm watching the drama unfold on the red carpet (a.k.a. people with little sense and too much money tripping over one another to congratulate themselves on making more money and staying upright in stiletto heels) I can't help myself. I start to picture myself on that stage, standing tall in my classy, strapless, Vera Wang with well-defined biceps and triceps, holing the Oscar for best original screenplay, and launching into my acceptance speech. This year, it goes something like this...

First of all, I'd like to thank God-- not for the Oscar, because I don't think God cares whether or not I win an Oscar, but for the opportunity to live this beautiful, albeit sometimes messy life. God's limitless grace and mercy, his faithfulness, his unfailing love and presence has kept me going through all of the ups and downs. I thank God, too for the opportunity to bring this story to all of you. It is so important that we, as human beings, work to ensure a better future for all of our children. That's why this award means so much to me--it brings the story to even more people. And that is my way of making a difference.

To my family, thank you! My wonderful husband, Chris, who saw more in me than I ever saw in myself. Who pushed me, encouraged me, convicted me and supported me. I would never have become the woman God intended me to be without you.

To my parents, Clell and Linda--where do I start? You taught me how to dream, how to believe, how to hope, how to have faith. You worked to build a foundation of love for my life, and I have been so blessed by that love. I hope I can honor you in all that I do.

To my sister Libby, my friend, my compatriot, my co-conspirator. Thank you for your passion and your fire. You inspire me to fight for a better world.

To my in-laws Ken and Mikki, how blessed I am to be part of your family!! Thank you for your amazing love and grace.

To Mrs. Rife, the Queen of Everything, I know you're smiling down from heaven right now. Your Princess has come a long way, and I thank you for pushing me in the right direction. You never stopped believing.

To my students, thank you for all the lessons along the way. You might never know this, but you are so much a part of who I am. I have loved all of you. Listen to me tonight--you have the power to succeed! Don't let your life hold you back--press on!

And finally, my two sweet, beautiful boys. I thank God for entrusting you to us every day. You are the lights of my life. This is for you!!

Well, there it is. My Academy Awards Acceptance Speech. Of course, I would have been ushered off the stage by "Oscar Girl" before finishing the introduction, but I'd have a hard copy if anyone wanted to listen to the rest. So, how about you? What's your Award Winning Speech? I'd love to hear!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 167: Seeds of Faith

2011-02-23T22:17:00.000-06:00

Hello Everyone!! If you're still hanging with the inconsistent blogger, I'm posting over at Seeds of Faith today.

I'm doing a long-term sub job in 3rd grade which is great, but oh my... Have I mentioned that I'm a high school teacher? I'm also in the process of doing my very first (and possibly last depending on how it goes!) women's retreat. It's been so much fun getting the Biblical study together!! I feel like I'm finally putting my Christian Ed degree to use! :-) Prior to this, I had been mentally referring to it as my M.R.S. degree. Which is a fabulous degree, by the way! :-) And now I'm rambling on and on because I'm sleep deprived thanks to my youngest who thinks Mommy should rock him in the recliner half the night. Oh what a joy motherhood is!! It seriously is, right? :-)

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 166: When God Drills A Message Home

2011-02-19T08:27:00.000-06:00

The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not WANT.

Our Women's Bible Study has been working through Cynthia Heald's Becoming a Woman of Excellence. Our topic this week is surrender and obedience. I think the lesson of surrender and obedience is going to be the defining theme of my life. It seems to be the message God continually wants to drill home to me. I've realized that the heart of surrender is trust, and the heart of obedience is love. I will surrender when I truly trust God, I will trust God when I realize the fullness of his love for me, and the fullness of his love for me will move me from selfish ambition to a life of love which is a life of obedience. Sounds great, right? Then why, with every new challenge, do I have to fight the fight of surrender all over again? Why, when I get a letter stating that Garrett's insurance has been revoked yet again do I feel so helpless? And why does the thought of beginning the job search all over again as teacher contracts begin to come up fill me with such heaviness and dread?

The answer lies in the desires of my heart and the fear that the desires of my heart are not the desires of God's heart. Yet the thing that God is going to keep drilling and drilling into my stubborn heart is the reality that HIS plan for my life goes "exceedingly, abundantly beyond" (Ephesians 3:20) anything that I could ever plan!!

In the past several months, God has led my family and I to rest beside still waters. He has restored our souls. So many times lately I have had cause to pause and say, "My cup runneth over." God has met all of our needs. Oh, that my heart could be steadfast! (Psalm 119:5) That I could fear no evil! That I could say with David, "surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life" instead of crying out, "SERIOUSLY?!" with every new challenge. It's so hard to surrender!!

But this truth I remember: He who has begun a good work in me will see it through to the completion. (Philippians 1:6). It is my job to press on toward the goal which Christ has set for me. I will continue to learn the lessons of surrender and obedience so that I can say, as Paul so boldly stated, that I can be content in all things (Philippians 4) knowing that all things work for the good of those who love God. (Romans 8:28) And I will give thanks that our Christian walks are truly an ongoing process. There is nothing to "get right", only room to grow. And boy, do I have some growing to do!!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 165: God and Chocolate Cake

2011-02-15T07:39:00.000-06:00

I'm thinking of Psalm 42 this morning as I engage in yet another abbreviated devotional time. I've been doing a full-time sub job the past three weeks, and it and my children have thrown my routine off a bit. In this psalm, the psalmist compares his love for the Lord to a deer panting for streams of water. His soul cannot be quenched until he has been with God.

Sometimes I wish I could respond to the Word as well as I respond to a big slice of soft, decadent chocolate cake. I can't resist--EVER! Yet, when I'm busy and have a schedule to keep, I will resist God's pull into his Word from which comes my strength, hope, and focus for the day. So, my challenge to myself today is less cake, more God. He will fill me up without packing on the pounds!

¹ As the deer pants for streams of water,
   so my soul pants for you, my God.
² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
   When can I go and meet with God?
³ My tears have been my food
   day and night,
while people say to me all day long,
   “Where is your God?”
⁴ These things I remember
   as I pour out my soul:
how I used to go to the house of God
   under the protection of the Mighty One^[d]
with shouts of joy and praise
   among the festive throng.

Blessings and Peace!

Sara

Confession 164: The Gift of Time

2011-02-09T07:48:00.000-06:00

We woke up to more snow on the ground this morning. No school. It's our tenth snow day of the season, some sort of new record I think. As a substitute teacher now, I don't get paid on snow days. I know I should care, but in reality, it doesn't bother me. Call me crazy, (lazy) but I love snow days! I love the way we can gently ease into our days when there's no place to be in the morning. I like cuddling under the blankets with my boys while they watch Mickey Mouse. I like listening to their little teeth munching on Pop Tarts, the gentle smack of their lips as their mouths open and close with each chew. Obviously, we haven't worked on the whole chew with your mouth closed skill yet! :-) I also love the thought of the day stretching out before us with no plan or list or schedule attached to it. It's time, precious and fleeting, stretched out before us to shape and mold as we wish. As my educator parents taught me from a young age, snow days are a gift and should be treated as such.

Don't get me wrong. We still have our moments. The kids get bored and decide to use their time making mischief. I lose my patience and threaten, yell, and wish I had sent the boys to daycare. My view of how we should use this gift of time is often very different from the boys' view. They want to play Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Monster Under the Bed. I want to read, or fold clothes while watching a Hallmark movie. There's no perfect in this life, so our snow days aren't either. Yet, at the end of the day, I am always grateful for the time we've shared and find myself hoping, just a bit, for a little more snow in the morning. :-) As Kathleen Kenison writes, "Life hangs by a gossamer thread. Today is a gift; tomorrow, not a guarantee." The book of James puts it this way: "...you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." James 4:14

Snow days offer my family a gift of time. Today, I would encourage you to celebrate the gift of time, in whatever form it takes.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 163: Being Me

2011-02-04T09:35:00.000-06:00

"Just be yourself". How many times do we get that advice in our lives? People say that before a job interview, before a first date, when we move to a new place, begin a new career.... yet my problem is, I don't want to be myself. I want to be someone better. Throughout my life I have gotten caught in the notion of who I should be rather than who God made me to be. I try to live my life the way that people I admire and look up to live theirs. Let me give you a few examples...

My best friend is the mom I have always wanted to be. She and her husband had an idea for the life they wanted to create with their family and they have done just that. She is wise and creative in her parenting. Her kids are smart, creative, inventive and completely unique individuals. They've never been introduced to Pop Tarts or chicken nuggets. Instead, they get home-made granola bars, freshly grown vegetables out of the garden, and organic dairy and meat. I look at her life and think, "That's what I want to do!" The problem: I'm me, not Elaine.

My sister is a force to be reckoned with. Strong, brave and outspoken she speaks her mind and makes a difference in the lives of those she works for and with. She doesn't back down to the challenges of life, but rather, bowls them over with her indomitable spirit. So many times in my life I have been in situations where I thought, "If I were Libby, I would just say...." However, I am not Libby. I'm just me.

I could go on an on, but the sum of it all is this: God made ME. If he had wanted another Elaine or Libby, he would have made them. But he didn't. He made me. Trying to live my life like someone else is a waste of the precious time God has entrusted me with here on Earth. You see, God has a plan for my life, the same as he has a plan for yours. And he has placed within each of us all of the gifts we need to fulfill that purpose if we would just give ourselves over to him!

God tells us, "I know the plans I have for YOU! (Jeremiah 29) I made you a mighty branch so that you might grow my fruit and bring it to the world. (John 15). I formed you in the image of my Son (Romans 8), in the image of ME, that my purposes might be fulfilled in your life. (Ephesians 1) I need you to be the person I created you to be."

Talk about ultimate freedom!! The truth is, we don't have to be the person we think we should be. Instead, we must strive to be the person God created us to be. So that is my goal this year, to seek the purposes God would have for me, to let go of who I think I should be and focus on who God designed me to be. I don't know what the end result will look like, but I'm going to "press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (Philippians 3:12)

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 162: Snowpocalypse

2011-02-01T20:49:00.000-06:00

We are in the midst of an actual blizzard tonight!! I know, for you Great Northerners this is nothing, but I can't remember ever having a blizzard warning out before! We have FEET of snow outside and the two major interstate highways that run through Missouri are completely shut down. I love it--The Great Blizzard of 2011. Or, as my husband has nicknamed it, Snowpocalypse. The gusts of snow were literally fighting it out in the air as the flakes fell to the ground. My boys were in it up to their knees this afternoon, and our dogs have absolutely refused to set paw outside as the drifts in our backyard come almost to their necks. I keep thinking of a Little House on the Prairie episode when I was a kid in which Pa opened the door after a blizzard and found a wall of snow in front of him. I was trying to remember how they got out. Maybe Pa climbed up the chimney, I don't know. It's not that extreme here, but I'm thinking we're probably out of school the rest of the week. Call me crazy, but I love it!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

You get what you pay for!! :-)

Ummm...I'm stuck.

Can you see me now?

Making warm goodies.

You might be able to make me come inside, but you are NOT taking my hat!!

Confession 161: My Name Is...

2011-01-26T22:09:00.000-06:00

I'm posting for the first time over at Seeds of Faith Women. Come on over and let me know what you think!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 160: Austenality vs. Reality

2011-01-25T07:09:00.000-06:00

Whew! I took an unexpected hiatus from blogging this past week. We were snowed in much of the week and since Chris had the computer with him in Chicago, we were an internet-free house. It was sort of nice to be "disconnected" for a bit. I thought up a lot of blog entries, but I'm not sure I remember any of them now!! Oh well...

While Chris was gone for two weeks, I went on a total Jane Austen binge. I watched Persuasion, Sense and Sensibility (the mini-series), and Pride and Prejudice. I re-read Persuasion and am now working on Sense and Sensibility. I've even read a couple of essays on her works! Although, sometimes I think the essayists miss the point. I mean, how do you really know what she intended in her writing when she's been dead for almost two hundred years? Anyway, I was thinking about packing up the fam and moving to a sprawling manner house set amongst the lush green fields and forests of England. I was also thinking of instituting a wardrobe change in the Regency style of clothing. I think my boys would look pretty cute in breeches! :-) We could learn to ride horses, take long walks through the countryside, sit around the parlor and play cards, and throw down some pretty cool moves on the ballroom floor!

And then, as it will do, reality set in. I realized that the reality of my Austenality would not be a sprawling manner house, but a small smoky cottage with a moldy thatched roof. Instead of living it up in early 1800's splendor, I would be bending down scrubbing floors and disposing of the "toilet water". My children would be digging in fields and my husband would be bringing home squirrels for dinner. Yeah, maybe not really the life for me. Thank goodness God knows what he's doing! "And who knows but that you were put here for such a time as this?" (Mordecai to Esther, trying to get her to appeal to the king) I think I'll stick with this present age.

Embrace your reality--God put you here for a reason!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 158: A Meal in the Mail

2011-01-18T10:29:00.000-06:00

One of the best parts of blogging is being able to "meet" amazing people from all over the world with hearts set on furthing the Kingdom. One such person is Big Fat Mama. Her blog, Cooking Up Faith, has been feeding people spiritually on a daily basis. Now, God has shown her a way to use her blog to feed people for REAL.

Check out her new program, A Meal in the Mail. A Meal in the Mail allows us to send meal gift cards to families in need during times of illness, loss or crisis. Not only are we providing a spiritual need for those families, we are letting them know that they are not alone, that people they haven't even met are surrounding them with love and prayer.

THIS IS CHRIST IN ACTION!!!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it!!!!!

Big Fat Mama already has two families in need on her blog. The first is Joel, a little boy who has been battling cancer the past nine months. He is one of four children, with another sibling on the way. Needless to say, between doctor's visits and kids, there's not a lot of time left to think about food. Sending them a gift card for a meal would go a long way.

Second is Joanne, a 38 year old mother of two who just suffered a massive stroke. Joan is currently in a coma and her family could use the support of meals through this time.

A great feature of A Meal in the Mail is that you can link up your blog with Big Fat Mama's to put even more names of families in need on the list.

This is SO SIMPLE!! Please, PLEASE become a part of this ministry!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 157: Filling the Silence

2011-01-16T21:45:00.000-06:00

As we honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. this week, I'm struck by the fact that so many prophetic voices throughout history have been suddenly and violently silenced by those who oppose or fear the truth of the message they bring. Dr. King was just one of those voices. He spoke the truth of love and justice, of equality for all and of the evils of racism and poverty. His message echoed the message of Christ who called his disciples, and still calls us, to love, to serve, to witness. I belive that it is our responsibility as Christ-followers to fill the silence of those prophets who have been taken from us.

I've included a video of U2's "Pride: In the Name of Love" which I showed in my English III class last year. Take some time today to remember Dr. King, to remember the countless others who have given their lives speaking the truth, and consider what God is calling you to speak.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 156: Snow Days

2011-01-12T17:12:00.000-06:00

Our area received about 4 inches of snow Sunday night, which means our rural schools are shut down until the thaw. Living in the Southern Midwest, we're not as apt to dealing with above an inch of snow as our Northern neighbors. For life truly lived in snow, check out my friend Angie over at Messy Cars and Muddy Shoes. The first day we got up late and the boys, upon seeing the snow, immediately ran to grab coats and head outside. Mama sort of squelched the initial enthusiasm by telling them that we first had to get dressed, put on boots, and find gloves and hats. We played for awhile, the boys blanketing me with snow. Stephen had never had a big snowfall before, so he was literally throwing himself into the drifts and rolling around! Hot chocolate soon followed, as did baking, neighbor visiting, story-telling and cuddling.

The second day, I gave up all pretense of productivity and simply spent the day engaging with my boys. We played all day, both inside and out. I was in awe, again, at Garrett's imagination. The kid can literally create an epic story from a pencap and a chopstick! As we sat down to dinner that evening (my husband is in Chicago for two weeks at school), I looked at my boys' bright faces and smiled. "We had a lot of fun today, didn't we?" I asked. "Yeah," Garrett replied. "We did have a lot of fun."

Sometimes, as a parent, I miss the "having fun" part. I do the laundry, give baths, pour juice, redirect, but I don't always have fun. I don't always just bask in the joy of my children being the wonderful, high-spirited, imaginative, rambunctious kids they are. My kids are my biggest gift. I should't just wait for a snow day to enjoy it.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

P.S. My friend over at The Domestic Fringe has opened an Etsy store. Check it out! And while you're there, stop and read a bit. You won't be disappointed!!

Confession 155: Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat!!

2011-01-09T07:12:00.000-06:00

I'm in the process of re-reading Jane Austen's Persuasion. It is, perhaps, my favorite of her works. It is a novel about second chances, and who doesn't love a second chance? I found a quote last night that stuck with me, for it is absolutely true to life. Mrs. Croft, an Admiral's wife, is discussing her life lived at sea with her husband and remarks, when the idea that women are too delicate to live life aboard a naval ship is presented, that "none of us expect to be in smooth water all our days." One of the problems with living in the human world is the absolute human-ness of it all. Life can be challenging, unexpected, scary and even cruel. There are times in each of our lives where the waves begin to swell and swamp us and we feel like we're going to capsize.

I remember a time in my life several years ago when I felt I was on the verge of capsize. I remember the exact moment, sitting on the edge of my bed, tears streaming down my face, when I envisioned myself flailing about in a raging sea. I even remember the words I cried out to God in that moment--"I'm drowning here! You have to help me. Throw me a life line or something!!" In the months that followed, God not only sent me a life line, he sent me a new life! You'd think I would have learned a little something about trust and the "power of the Almighty to do great things for me". Yet, the reality is, when life gets rough, I still find myself calling to God to save me from drowning.

The disciples found themselves in a similar boat, quite literally. Jesus wanted to cross the sea. While he slept, a storm developed and the boat became unstable. Needless to say, the disciples freaked out. They ran to Jesus and pulled him out of his sleep. "We're going to drown!" they cried. Jesus, in true Son of God fashion, said nothing but rose from his rest and calmed the storm. It was over in a matter of seconds. The water calmed, Jesus turned to his disciples who were huddled together with their mouths hanging open and said, "Don't you have any faith?"

Don't you have any faith? I am struck as mute as the disciples in the face of Jesus' words. It's convicting, isn't it? To realize how little faith you actually have in the Creator of the universe to see you through the storms of life? The truth of the matter is that God, our FATHER, is not going to let us drown. That's not to say that life won't throw in some pretty good punches. We'll lose our footing, lose our breath, maybe get a little sea-sick, and we will definitely have some water to bail, but God, our God, who formed us in the womb and has counted each hair on our head, will NOT let us drown!!

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will NOT fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging...The Lord Almighty is with us, the God of Jacob is our fortress..."be still and know that I AM GOD..." Psalm 46

There are situations that come into our lives that we are powerless to handle. The disciples could do nothing to stop the storm, but they ran to the One who has dominion over both heaven and earth. Likewise, when we feel the waters rising around us, we are to turn to that same One who has dominion and power and authority over all things. God will not only keep us afloat through our storms, he will build us a whole new boat in which we can ride it out secure, dry, and sound.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 154: Ordinary Time

2011-01-05T10:52:00.000-06:00

I took down the Christmas tree yesterday. There was no real thought in the decision to do it. I was simply looking at it and realized that I was ready for it to be gone. My husband thinks, as much as he hates the trappings of Christmas, that the bareness from the decorations being gone is a bit sad, but I like it. It is winter and I am ready to abide in the sparseness of it. It is time to pull out the fleece blankets and hunker down.

This time of year in the liturgical calendar is referred to as Ordinary Time. Ordinary Time consists of the weeks surrounding Lent-Easter and Advent-Christmas. Typically, there are 34 weeks of Ordinary Time throughout the year. The color for Ordinary Time is green. Don't ask me why. Maybe green was an ordinary color for the Mediterranean men who created the church calendar. Personally, I would have chosen brown. And, while Ordinary Time does not have the pomp and circumstance of Christmas and Easter, it is the time in which we live out the majority of our lives. How ironic, then, that we would call it ordinary! The early church fathers were, of course, almost a full millennium before Thornton Wilder's Our Town in which the deceased heroine is granted one more precious "ordinary" day on Earth and cries out before departing, "Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?"

The truth is that the Ordinary Time in our lives is, in fact, the sacred stuff life is made up of. Kathleen Kenison, in her book The Gift of an Ordinary Day, refers to these moments as "charmed moments, all the time, in every life and in every day, if we are only awake enough to experience them when they come and wise enough to appreciate them." (pg. 224)

It is the peaceful quiet that comes in the early morning or late night hours when you can hear the gentle breathing of your spouse, your children and your pets safe under one roof. It is the time spent together around a dinner table, noisy and rambunctious as toddlers would rather play than eat, but time together, nonetheless. It is a deep breath of crisp winter air that expands the lungs and clears the head. It is a hot shower, it is the smell of warm yeast bread baking in the oven. It is time shared with friends and family to celebrate nothing except the fact that we enjoy one another's company. Our Ordinary Time is, perhaps, the most beautiful gift we are given in this life and we should live each of our "ordinary" days in gratitude for it. We need to, as Kension writes, "pay attention to what's worth caring about, to read the sacred in everyday life..." (pg. 207)

Yet beyond our gratitude for our "ordinary" days, we must learn to live each one with the purpose for which it was intended. As the apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 2, "we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." As the majority of our lives are lived in Ordinary Time, so the majority of our work to build the kingdom of God should be done in this time as well. It's easy to be generous at Christmas time, but is it as easy in March or August? And, are not these ordinary times the times that people need the most help, love, support, care? As Christians, we need to take the gifts of our "ordinary" days and give them to those we meet along the way. They are simple gifts to give; gifts of presence, gifts of time, gifts of food, gifts of acknowledgment, gifts of comfort, gifts of encouragement, gifts of love.

Ordinary Time is our time to realize life while we live it--every, every minute--and to share that life with those around us.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 153: Loss

2011-01-01T10:06:00.000-06:00

Just received word that my dear friend Penny over at Living Above lost her husband Thursday in a hunting accident. I am deeply shaken and saddened over this news. John was a pastor at a church in New Orleans and he and Penny have two very young children. Please pray for them all that they would find strength and comfort during this time.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 152: Passionate Prayer

2010-12-31T08:29:00.000-06:00

And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. Luke 22:44

Over the past few weeks, I have been working through Elizabeth George's study on the book of Luke. As I am reading through Jesus' final days on Earth, I am struck once again at his prayer in Gethsemane. In the past, I have always focused on his humanity--his desire to have the cup taken from him, his momentary reluctance to experience the suffering, the torture, the agonizing death on the cross. It always comforts me to see Jesus as a human. And then, to see him willingly take on the pain, the sacrifice that is to come--well, there are no words.

Yet today, it was verse 44 which touched my heart the most. Look at it closely. "Being in anguish, Jesus prayed more earnestly" and the prayer was so deep, so passionate, that Luke says "his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground." Jesus prayed with his entire being, laying everything within him out before the throne of the Father!! He literally gave his ALL in prayer!! It was spiritual, it was mental, it was emotional, and it was physical. Oh, my gosh!! Do you know how paltry and uninspired my prayers seem in the face of this marvelous example?

Most days, I think I pray with maybe a quarter of my being engaged. I sit in the recliner with Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the background, or walk the two blocks to work praying and watching for cars as I cross the street, or move through the kitchen praying, cooking, cleaning. My prayers might be sincere, but they're not really earnest. Instead of leaving it all before the Father, I hit all the names on the prayer list, make a quick mention of my husband and sons, cover the rest under "family and friends", and ask that God help me honor him with my day. Somewhere along the line, I've lost the act of passionate prayer. I have my moments, usually when I feel like my boat's about to go under and I have no other option. But is that really good enough?

I think, if I'm being honest, the thought of praying earnestly and passionately is a little frightening. What if I leave it all out there and God doesn't "come through"? What if he doesn't grant the desires of my heart? What if I decide the cost is just too much? What if the direction he wants to take me in isn't the way I want to go? What if I don't have what it takes to follow through?

The reality is, I will never have the relationship with God that I desire to have if I only give him part of myself. And the reality is, God has a plan for my life that is so much more than what I could ever see or comprehend. Passionate prayer is a way for me to let go of the wheel and to let God take over so that I might fully live this life he has given me. Passionate prayer is my way of saying, "I'm all yours, God." Scary? Yes, but then, this is the One who literally gave everything to me.

So what shall I do? I will pray with my spirit... 1 Corinthians 14:15

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 151: Hit the Refresh Button!

2010-12-29T11:02:00.000-06:00

I have a confession to make. For all of my talk about the true meaning of Christmas and fighting the commercialization/materialism/secularism of the Christmas season, I have some expectations for Christmas that really have nothing to do with the birth of Christ. I love Christmas! I love the warmth of family get-togethers. I love the cookies and candies and cheeseballs and ham and green bean casseroles. I love listening to my dad read the Christmas story each year before digging into presents. I love the joy, the laughter, the tales that get-togethers bring. So, when the flu hit our household over Christmas, I was not a happy camper! My husband, with the grace of God, made it through all three services. I missed most of the first as I was doing clean-up for my youngest who was on an antibiotic which his body was expelling at an alarming rate! Then my parents called--no Christmas dinner. Mom was sick.

"Well," I told my dad on the phone. "This Christmas certainly...."

"It sucks!" he finished for me.

Needless to say, my heart was not where it should have been as we drove to our second service of the evening. Fortunately, my in-laws were in town and had the kids, so it was just Chris and I. As the service started, I became more and more convicted of my negative Christmas attitude. I needed to hit the refresh button, and fast! I bowed my head in prayer for a moment and asked God to forgive me my negativity and to remind me again of the true reason for this night and this celebration. My husband's message was titled, "The Greatest Gift Ever" and the message was simple: "Boy, do I have good news for you!!"

I'd like to say that I hit my refresh button and my attitude was suddenly, miraculously transformed so that I, like Ebeneezer Scrooge, was yelling out the window as we drove through town, "Merry Christmas!!" However, as I am human and not a figment of Charles Dickens' imagination, it wasn't that easy. But my attitude after our second service was slightly improved, and by the time we were singing "Silent Night" in candlelight at the end of the third service, I was almost there.

Christmas day provided a much needed opportunity to relax and unwind, and, we ate the ham my loving in-laws fortuitously brought with them from St. Louis. I napped for a few hours and that evening we took a drive to see some lights and deliver gifts to my parents.

And so, I'm thankful this Christmas for family, for health, for rest. And, most of all, I'm thankful that I worship a God who hit the biggest refresh button ever!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 150: Christmas

2010-12-27T08:25:00.000-06:00

As my two year old is smacking his brother with a dinosaur, I don't have a lot of time to post. However, I thought I'd leave you with these images of Christmas peace. Many blessings!!

Confession 149: And So This Is Christmas

2010-12-21T00:03:00.000-06:00

Well, it seems as if our holiday tradition of illness or injury continues this year as my youngest, myself, my dad and I all came down with the flu this weekend and my in-laws are trying to work off colds. Luckily, the icky part of the flu seems to be past, leaving behind a persistent cough that's about to do me in. I took about 2 and 1/2 shots of whiskey last night before bed thinking that should take care of the cough. Not sure it did much there, but I did get a great night's sleep and woke up very refreshed this morning! Not wanting to start a bad habit, however, I decided to forgo Mr. Seagrum's for Mr. Robitussin tonight. The result, wide awake and still coughing at a quarter to midnight. I think I need some codine.

More important than my bout with the flu, this weekend saw the passing of one of the patriarchs of our church. With six children and scores of grandchildren, he took his last breaths surrounded by over 20 family members, hearts full of love and gratitude for the life he lived. Just before he passed, one of his grandsons called out, "We love you, Grandad!" This afternoon, the man's daughter told us how it seemed as if her nephew, in that moment, was cheering her dad on to the finish line of a race. This family is so remarkable, so full of love, of life, and so full of gratitude for the lives they've shared with one another. Although they have suffered loss, both now and previously, their hearts seem always full of joy and graciousness abounds from them.

And this thought also came to me: this is what Christmas is really about. Christ came to conquer death. When those who know Him leave this earth, they are welcomed with shouts of praise and acclamation on the other side. While we gather to mourn, the company of heaven gathers to celebrate the return of one who has come home. These are the great tidings of glad joy the angels brought that night. It wasn't just a celebration of birth, but of re-birth, of reconciliation. It was a homecoming, and because of Jesus' homecoming, we will be welcomed home too. O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant...

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 148: Not Another Dumb Girl Movie

2010-12-16T06:59:00.000-06:00

The Personal Finance kids in the class I'm subbing for are watching the movie Confessions of a Shopoholic as a fun end of semester treat. I've never seen it before, and although it's not as bad as I initially thought it would be, I'm suddenly finding myself wanting to go into film making. I've decided on a title for my as yet to be released (written) film: Not Another Dumb Girl Movie!! You see, I'm tired of the ditzy portrayal of younger women in our society--girls who have no common sense, make the wrong/dumb choice at every turn, and yet still end up with the "perfect" guy because they're just so darn cute and cuddly! Seriously?! Where's Katherine Hepburn when you need her?

I have to confess, I'm a huge classic movie buff. My husband thinks it's ridiculous that I would choose to watch movies that were made before our parents were even born, but I love them. And it's interesting to me that in a time when women did not have the opportunities that we have today so many of the classic film heroines would be such strong, smart, and witty chicks. Look at the lineup: the aforementioned Kate, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Barbara Stanwyck, Myrna Loy. These women weren't pushovers, at least not on screen. And, they weren't insecure. I can't think of a Katherine Hepburn movie where her character would invent some crazy story about herself to avoid dealing with the honest truth of a difficult situation. The female leads in these classic films were funny, but not stupid. They could play the coquette without being vapid. They didn't play dumb, they played tough.

I can't help but think of the Proverbs 31 woman. Strong, smart and self-reliant, she is praised above all women. With her life she honors God. The Psalmist shows her taking care of her family, elevating her husband's status in the community, making profitable business decisions, and being brave in the face of life's calamities. Verses 25 and 26 have this to say:

She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

WISDOM--we are sorely lacking this in our society, and it shows in our portrayals of young women in the media. I don't know about you, but I want to help raise up Proverbs 31 women. Women who pay with cash, not credit. Women who get jobs based on their abilities and merit. Women who have firm values in place, who are not afraid of the truth, and who will show kindness and generosity to others. I don't want my boys to bring home silly girls when they get older. I want them to bring home girls who are witty and bright. I want them to bring home girls who can put them in their place when necessary and build them up when needed.

Above all else, I don't want another dumb girl movie!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 147: Shutterfly Christmas Cards

2010-12-14T06:31:00.001-06:00

I'm a big fan of free stuff, especially since our funds are limited. So, when a friend told me about a free Christmas card offer from the online photo shop, Shutterfly, I couldn't resist! In all honesty, I love online photo shops. You get to control every aspect of your photo buying experience, customize all of your purchases, and get it for at least half of what you'd pay at a portrait studio.!

My husband and I have used online photo shops quite a bit over the past few years, designing our own Christmas cards and making unique gifts. I'll share three with you here.

1. Christmas cards. Shutterfly has a plethora of options when it comes to customizing your photo Christmas card. With 803 choices starting at $.32 a card, you're bound to find something unique to you at a price you can handle! And, the quality is fabulous! I just received a new Shutterfly card in the mail from a friend, and it looked like something you would custom order at at a fancy printing company. The paper was not flimsy photo paper, but sturdy, quality, textured paper. And, there are lots of options for customizing. My favorite are the collage cards where you can put several different pictures on one card. Very cool!

2. Calendars. My husband and I have found that custom made calendars are inexpensive, personalized gifts that last all year long! Shutterfly has many options there as well. One of the great things you can do with Shutterfly calendars is to customize dates. For instance, when my husband and I made a calendar we were able to include all of our family's birthdays and anniversary's on the calendar. We were also able to include a small photo of our boys with the person whose birthday it was in the date box on the calendar.

3. Photo books. Both my parents and my in-laws have made online photo books to commemorate vacations they have taken. Again, you customize and personalize everything. My in-laws have two big photo books they made, one from Yellowstone, another from Alaska. The first time I saw the book, I thought it was something they'd picked up from a bookshop on their trip. When I opened it and saw the reflections of my mother-in-law, as well as ticket stubs and trip information, including maps, I was amazed. It's truly an awesome thing to have! We're going to be taking a big family trip this summer and will definitely look into Shutterfly's photo book page!!

So, go to Shutterfly and see what you think. They have tons of great products at reasonable prices to meet all of your Christmas needs. They even do stocking stuffers with magnets, notecards, magnets and playing cards--all under $10!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 146: Press on The Path

2010-12-09T06:19:00.001-06:00

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13-14)

This past weekend, my boys came down with the stomach flu while we were visiting my parents. My sister was there too, with her five month old daughter! As it was impossible to drive the 35 miles back to our house, we hunkered down at Mom and Dad's--4 pairs of hands for two expulsionary kids. Around one o'clock in the morning, as I was throwing yet another pair of pajamas into the wash and my mom and I were spot cleaning the carpets by flashlight, the thought entered my mind that life is simply a matter of endurance. You just endure one thing after another until it's over and then you go sit on a cloud and play some harps--the end. It was in this moment of self-pity that God slipped the above scripture into the back of my mind (He always has to meddle in my middling!) I realized that life is indeed about enduring, but not in the whiny "my kids have the stomach flu and it really sucks" sort of way I was thinking. Jump with me for a minute to the book of Mark.

“I will send my messenger ahead of you,
who will prepare your way” “a voice of one calling in the wilderness,
‘Prepare the way for the Lord,
make straight paths for him.’”And so John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. And this was his message: “After me comes the one more powerful than I, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to stoop down and untie.

Mark 1: 2-7

I don't know about you, but I love John the Baptist. This guy did not give a fig about what the world thought or expected of him. From the time he was formed in his mother's womb he knew his purpose and he lived it out with confidence and gusto. Not only did John know his purpose, he knew his place in the grand scheme of things. And, he understood a thing or two about the nature of endurance.

Looking at these two passages of Scripture, two things become clear to me. First, life is about enduring, but not enduring in the sense of "woe is me, my life is not working out the way I planned". Rather, as Paul writes, we endure the way a marathon runner endures the rigors of a race. We "press on" toward our goal through whatever challenges life may bring.

Second, our goal in pressing on is, like John, to prepare the way for the Lord. God called us, his people, to go forth and show his love to the world, to spread the good news of salvation, of hope, of mercy, of grace to as many people as we can. Enduring is not about cleaning up runny poop in the middle of the night, or figuring out how to buy your kids more toys that they don't need, or stepping on the scale and having it yell, "Ouch!" Rather, those who truly grasp the concept of endurance are those who are adopting a family for Christmas, who are providing meals for the hungry in their community, who are traveling to other continents to engage in the hard work of building wells, churches, community centers and homes. Those who truly grasp the concept of endurance are those people who are training for races in remembrance and the hope that their efforts will mean no other family has fear when the doctor says the biopsy does not look good. They are the people who make time to listen to a friend in need, who find ways to bring holiday cheer to those who are lonely or alone, those who campaign for laws that will positively benefit children and the poor of our nation. And they do so regardless of the cost to themselves and regardless of what other people think of them and regardless of the challenges and stumbling blocks placed before them.

I don't know about you, but this is the kind of life I want to endure. I want to press on down the path that prepares the way for the Lord!

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

Romans 15:4

Through endurance, we bring hope. Please, God, let me endure!!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 145: Contemplations on a Christmas Tree

2010-12-04T00:28:00.000-06:00

It's almost midnight here in Missouri, and I'm just winding down from preparing the house (aka...cleaning) for a ladies brunch at the parsonage tomorrow. I am truly excited to have them over. However, I find myself falling into that hosting mode of, "Is it enough?" Do I have enough food? Do I have enough decorations? Do I have enough chairs? Is the house clean enough? It's a lot to come down from. So, before heading off to bed to consider all of the enoughs I potentially have or don't have in my life, I decided to spend a few moments contemplating our Christmas tree.

There's something about the soft glow of a Christmas tree that puts my soul at peace. Ours is blue again this year, the lights, not the tree itself. Blue has become the color of compromise in our house. This whirly-gig girl prefers a tree that sparkles in all shades of twinkly lights while my linear husband prefers the elegance of tempered white. In blue, we have found the best of both. Monochromatic, yet colorful at the same time. Looking at our tree, decorated with the ornaments handed down to us over the years, I realize that more than symbolizing our ability to compromise, this tree represents our family. Blending our childhood ornaments with ornaments we've received as a couple and the ornaments received by our children, I realize that this tree is us--a hodge-podge of memories and experiences coming together to make something beautiful.

Yet even beyond that, there is something sacred about a Christmas tree to me. The tree is a silent sentinel through the winter--a sign of life continuing. When I look at a Christmas tree, I hear the soft crunch of hardened snow, I see a world covered in white with no blemish or mark to mar it's surface. I see the evergreen rising up from the earth, rooted to the earth, but not bound to the cycle of life and death on the earth. It is a fitting symbol for the Christ-Child were are preparing to welcome once more. Alive, pure, of the earth, yet unbound from its mortal constraints. It reminds me again of the purpose of this season. And it reminds me, too, that above all else, Christ is enough.

Gazing at the Christmas tree I realize that it is indeed well with my soul.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 144: Christ's Christmas Presents

2010-11-30T08:57:00.000-06:00

Although it's not even December yet, the first Sunday of Advent has come and gone. We had a lovely Hanging of the Greens service at church in which our oldest got to be a "star" (Literally, he wore a big foil star and ran down the front aisle then plopped himself down on the bench by Mary who looked at him like, "What are you doing here?") Black Friday and Cyber Monday have both come and gone (mostly just gone in our household where homeade Christmas presents are going to be the theme this low-budget year). Many folks have trees up, gifts wrapped and calendars set for the season. It kind of makes you wonder, "What's left?"

To counter some of the materialism and commercialism and secularism surrounding our "Winter Holidays", we've started a new Advent campaign at church focused around James Moore's book, Christmas Gifts That Won't Break, a focus on the power of hope, love, peace and joy brought into the world through the birth of Jesus. Signs are up throughout the church reminding us that "Christmas is not YOUR birthday!" Our key question this season is, "What are you going to give to Christ this Christmas?" In our congregation, we have set a goal to raise over $5,000 on Christmas Eve to purchase a Heifer International Gift Ark, which will help to support sustainable living for hundreds of people living in impoverished communities. Yet, there are so many other opportunities and ways to give gifts to the one whose birth we celebrate, or should celebrate, this season. As we move into this season of giving, I would challenge you to consider what you are going to give to Christ this season.

Yet more than that, my challenge to myself is to recognize Christ in this season. I've been reading a study of Luke recently and have been struck again by the fact that so many who had a meaningful encounter with Jesus recognized him for who he was. Mary and Joseph accepted the news that their son was the Son with incredible grace and humility. Faithful Simeon and Anna were blessed to see the Christ-child God had promised to send and recognized him immediately as the Son of God. Even John, in Elizabeth's womb, jumped for joy at hearing Mary's voice while she carried Jesus within her. This unborn child recognized the Son of God before either of them had taken breath.

So, here's what I want this Christmas to be about: 1) Recognizing Christ in the world and 2) giving to others in a way that gives a birthday gift to Christ.

What are your goals for this season?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 143: Gratitude Born of Contentment

2010-11-24T07:43:00.000-06:00

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to live with nothing, and I know what it is to live with everything. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4: 12-13

This verse has been in my mind a lot the past few days. My husband used it as the basis of a Thanksgiving message for our local community Thanksgiving service last Sunday. Chris and I were contemplating and praying through a situation yesterday for which we just don't know the answer. We're in the "in-between time" right now. We know the problem, we know God will solve it, but right now we're in between the two of those. And it seems to me, that it's the "in-between" space where it is hardest to find contentment. Yet, as Thanksgiving approaches, I realize that it is only by cultivating contentment that we can be truly grateful. And I have so much to be grateful for...my family, my friends, health, home, food, God's amazing grace. In a moment of epiphany yesterday, I understood clearly that this present challenge is actually a wonderful gift from God, an opportunity to simplify, to take stock, to prioritize, and to practice contentment. I want to be able, throughout my life, to look out over the hills and valleys and declare, "It is well". To pray, as John Wesley said, "let me be full, let me be empty...I freely and heartily yield all things to they pleasure and disposal." Life should not be a series of challenges to master, a list to check-off as we go. But rather, life should be an experience we drink in, a precious gift in which we give thanks to God for the opportunity to be, to do, to journey, to love. And so, this is my Thanksgiving prayer for you:

May you experience the beauty and gift of every ordinary day that's left to you.

May you center your life on the things you are grateful for.

May you pay attention to what's worth caring about.

May you read the sacred in everyday life.

And may the God of grace and hope give you strength to do all that He is calling you to this day.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

*Taken in part from Katrina Kenison's The Gift of an Ordinary Day

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 142: In Remembrance of Me

2010-11-20T08:52:00.000-06:00

As I wrote a few blogs ago, I've been drinking in Katrina Kenison's new book, The Gift of An Ordinary Day. It's beautiful and deep and suffused, I believe, with grace abundant. As Kenison was writing of her traumatic journey through her youngest son's adolescence, she says that her job was to remind her son of who he was during this time, to "help him remember, through words and touch, who he really is." As soon as I read these words, an image of Communion came to my mind. As Kenison went on to write that loving her son through words and touch gave her "the faith and patience necessary to survive his painful transformations", the image of the communion bread and cup grew stronger and stronger. I suddenly came to the understanding that this is precisely the purpose of our communal acts of worship--our holy ordinances, our traditions and sacraments, our sacred rites and rituals.

Taking perhaps ridiculous artistic license with Kenison's beautifully wrought words, I came to this... Worship helps us in words and touch to remember who we really are. As we take the Communion bread into our hands, as we roll it around our fingertips, the course textures remind us once again of that human body housing the divine which was bruised and broken for us. As we dip the bread into the cup, we are once again reminded of the precious blood that was shed for us for the cleansing of our souls. Yet more than that, we remember that we were redeemed so that we might truly become the people of God. As Paul writes in Ephesians 3:6, we become heirs of the kingdom together with Israel, "members together of one body and sharers together in the promise of Christ Jesus."

It is when we gather together as the Body of Christ, in the remembering of who and whose we are through our sacred acts of worship, that we are able to survive the painful transformations life can bring. In participating in the baptism of a new believer we are reminded that we, as new creations in Christ, have become dead to sin. As we join in one voice that prayer which Christ Jesus taught us, we remember that the kingdom, the power, and the glory of God are eternal, lasting forever and ever. Standing for the reading of the Gospel message, we remember the precious gift of the Living Word which dwells within us...our foundation, our source of strength, the lamp which guides our feet as we journey though life so that we can say with absolute conviction and assurance "Praise be to God!"

Finally, it is in our acts of worship that we come, as Kenison writes of her son, "a little bit closer to understanding his (for us, God's) true essence." Kneeling at the altar rail after partaking of the bread and cup, I feel a closeness to God that I feel nowhere else. I know that I am standing on Holy Ground. My soul is laid bare to the Lord who dwells within me. I feel the invisible tie that binds me to those kneeling on my left and right. They are my companions on this journey. And when I rise, it is as if I am being sent forth born anew with the Spirit of the Living God full within me to take and give to a world most desperate with need.

When you enter the house of the Lord this Sunday, let it be with the voice of Jesus ringing in your heart. Hear him say to you again, "Do this in remembrance of me."

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 141: I Lift Up My Eyes

2010-11-15T11:21:00.000-06:00

I just got off the phone with the health insurance company and am feeling annoyed and discouraged. It seems that I am one of those dwindling lower middle class citizens who cannot really afford health insurance, but cannot really afford to not have it either. Since I take 100mg of Zoloft each day, I fall into the "pre-existing condition clause" which basically means that I get to pay an extra $80+ bucks a month for a pill it probably cost about $.50 to make. I called the insurance company today to try and change my plan, only to be left 45 minutes later with the same plan and an application for a new plan that I'm not eligible for until January 1st that might lower my premium $50 per month. It seems that no matter how many health care reforms the government legislates, insurance companies keep finding ways around them. I'm not going to go off an a tirade against health insurance companies, I'm just saying that to insure my boys and I it costs over $400 per month because I take one pill and my oldest son has Uvitis and sees an eye specialist on a regular basis. The laughable part of all of this is that I signed us all up for individual health insurance policies because it seemed, in my research, that was going to be cheaper than putting us all on one! Of course, with my son's pre-existing condition we have to go through a state sponsored health insurance pool because the insurance companies won't take him on, although the pool is run by a major insurance company. Someone please explain that to me!! Oh well, enough of the tirade.

The reality is that each of us has moments in life where we want to throw our hands up and say, "I give!" It could be financial struggles, or chronic health struggles, or relationship struggles. And, they come about not because we've done anything "wrong" or made poor choices or angered God in some way, but because we are human beings living in a human world. Fortunately, as Christians, we know that this is not the end of the story. We were not made to struggle through life giving in and giving up. On the contrary, God has placed a spirit of hope within each of us to persevere through our struggles, to be steadfast with our eyes fixed on Christ allowing God to work within and throughout our hardships in order that he may be glorified when we triumph.

As Paul writes in Romans 8, we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us, so much so that there is nothing in this world or beyond that can separate us from his abundant love; no insurance companies that can strip us of our faith and trust in him. So when I feel that the world is getting the upper hand, I do as the Psalmist commands in Psalm 121: I lift up my eyes to the hills and see that my help comes from the Lord, the creator of heaven and Earth. The God who set the mountains in place and told the rivers where to run is the God who is carrying me. He will not let my foot slip. Indeed, he who watches over his children will neither slumber nor sleep.

Thank God for the Word! My day is suddenly looking up!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 140: A Story

2010-11-12T16:26:00.000-06:00

A few pots ago, I wrote about the idea of living expectantly--realizing that God is capable of doing amazing things and raising our expectations so God can do them. I received an e-mail this past week from a former acquaintance that I wanted to share which spoke directly to this. I LOVE stories like this, and I hope you find as much wonder and encouragement from it as I did!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

"My oldest son Devin who is 29 has been searching for a friend he had back in the 8^th grade. They were best friends and lost touch somewhere along the way. He knew his Dad had been a preacher in the Houston area and that Jason had been a Marine. Devin had been searching the internet and googling everything he could think of to find Jason for the past year. Last week another friend of Devin’s called him to come “rescue” him. He had been in jail for drugs and I guess just looked like warmed over death. It really got to Devin. This guy was a really good friend. A renewed interested in finding Jason became urgent.

Devin came over after work last Wednesday and was telling me all of this. I got on the laptop and proceeded to try my hand at finding Jason with no luck. I told him about reading your article and that maybe he should pray “specifically” for God to help him find Jason. “No Mom. We should always ask for God’s will to be done. Maybe I’m not supposed to find Jason.” So I told him I would pray SPECIFICALLY that we would find Jason.

The next day during a lull at work I did some more searching for Jason’s Dad. I googled Pastor Paul Scott, Houston, Tx and after about 10 minutes and 6 pages of google, I found an article about “former Pastor Paul preached Oct. . . . . “ I made some phone calls and by Thursday night I had Jason’s phone number to give to Devin.

I had forgotten the JOY that we rob ourselves of by not praying specifically plus we don’t give God the opportunity to surprise us. It was a Goosebump God Moment for me and I think a wonderful witness for Devin. And it reunited two long lost friends.

So I just wanted to thank you for reminding me about praying specifically and the joy it brings and I will resume doing so now."

Confession 139: The Best

2010-11-08T12:12:00.001-06:00

I just started a new book called The Gift of An Ordinary Day: A Mother's Memoir by Katrina Kenison. It's the story of how Kenison and her husband packed up the life they knew, a life they had carefully cultivated, to move from suburbia to rural America as their two sons were moving through adolescence in order to make the best for them and to come to terms with their changing lives. I'm only three chapters in, but already have had several moments of, "Oh, my gosh!! That's so profound!" I was actually reading part of the book aloud to my husband on a recent trip into the city while he was held captive at the wheel. There was a passage in which Kenison was describing her older son that resonated with me in my dealings with my own oldest child. Granted, Kenison's son was a teenager at the time and mine is four, so the circumstances aren't quite the same, but the message is still applicable, I think. Kenison writes that:

"Rather than try to project who our older son might or might not one day turn out to be, we needed to try and appreciate and understand who he is right now. And then we needed to meet him there, loving and accepting him just as he was, supporting his journey of self-discovery, crooked and long though his path might turn out to be." (pg. 26)

"Oh, my gosh!! That's so profound!" Talk about being blown away! How often, as parents, do we try to project our own dreams and desires onto our children? We want things for them that we often wanted for ourselves. We see the road that they should take, forgetting that it is in the winding journey itself that they will learn so much about themselves and who they were created to be. My oldest son, at the age of four, already marches to the beat of his own drum. We lovingly refer to him as "the weird kid". I understand, of course, that part of the weirdness is just the age, but part of it is who he is. And, I'm okay with that. He is who he is, and although middle school might be a bit rough, God has a plan and purpose for all that "weirdness"!

It struck me that, as Kenison calls us to meet our own children where they are, so God meets us exactly where we are, too. He lets us make our own journeys of self-discovery and faith. He allows us to try, to fail, and pulls us back up again. Moreover, God loves each of us and accepts us for who we are. This realization proposes a bit of a challenge for me. There's a struggle in my spiritual life that I have been ignoring for years, and that struggle is coming to terms with the notion that God loves me for who I am, not who I think I should be.

Do you know what my prayer has been for myself every day for years? "God, please help me to be someone today you can be proud of. Please help me to deserve the love you have shown and let my life be worth the sacrifice you made." You see, after spending my entire life, literally, in the church, I still fail to grasp the nature of God's love for me. It is unfathomable to me that God can love me for who I am and not who I think I should be!! As a natural-born people pleaser, I think that I need to "please" God, completely ignoring the fact that when God created me he pronounced to the heavens, "(She) is good!" God loves me in all of my human-ness because HE MADE ME!! Every quirk I have is a gift from him, and although my mother literally birthed me into the world, it was God who breathed into me that breath of life. Instead of praying that I may "please" God, a better prayer would be that my day would bring God glory and praise.

My love for my boys is deep and wide. There is nothing I can conceive of them doing that would diminish that love, no "weirdness" a mother's love can't overcome. I can accept them for who God created them to be and encourage them along the paths they will take, even if the path is not one I would have chosen. The challenge is to let God do the same with me.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 138: Working Girl

2010-11-03T18:44:00.000-05:00

I have been subbing for the Family and Consumer Sciences teacher all this week at our local high school. I've been teaching Personal Finance again--it just won't go away!! I'm also teaching Child Development and Nutrition, which has been kind of fun. I was worried when I first went in to visit with the teacher last week before she left because she had a sewing machine out. We would have had problems!! Luckily, the focus has been on electronic banking, prenatal development and teen health--all things I can handle!! I've been subbing quite frequently throughout our school district (it's tiny) and I have to say, I'm a little torn. On the one hand, I love being in a classroom again. ~~On the other, staying home has been kind of fun too.~~ Scratch that last part--child number two is screaming for milk and working on pushing me out of the chair even as I type. Don't worry, I'm not ignoring him. He wouldn't let me, even if I wanted to! :-)

God truly works in mysterious ways. I never thought I could be so content substitute teaching, but I actually love it. My best friend told me shortly after we moved that God had placed something new and interesting in my life every time we moved and that he would do no less this time. Of course, she was right! I wish I could learn to have more faith in the moment rather than discovering it after all is said and done. I'm sure God will give me plenty of opportunities for growth in the future!!

Well, I have a sheet cake and a huge vat of stuffing to make for our church's Turkey Dinner Friday, so I should probably take advantage of the boys being in the bath to accomplish one of those things. Yet, as the daylight wanes and the nights grow longer, (and the Republicans take back over the House) (Sorry--couldn't help myself!! Heaven help me, I'm a "Yellow-Dog Dem" to the end!) I wanted to leave you with this word from the Gospel of John:

Put your trust in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light...I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in the darkness. John 12: 36 & 46

Confession 137: The "No Christmas Until December" Holiday Pledge

2010-10-30T07:40:00.000-05:00

As I took my boys shopping yesterday for some cooler weather clothes that would actually cover their skin, three days before November, I was bombarded with images of Christmas. Actually, the holiday to celebrate Christ's birth has been so commercialized that I don't think it appropriate to call it Christmas anymore. You could go with X-Mas, but X in Latin represents Christ so in the end, I guess we're just left with "Mas" which could easily translate to mess. Is that too cynical? I think, as a society, we're just going back to our pagan roots where the big holiday celebration was the Winter Solstice. It's actually the reason we, as Christians, celebrate Christ's birth on December 25. The early church was trying to counter paganism with big holiday celebrations of its own. How ironic that over 1000 years later we would be in the same position as the early church leaders.

Over the past few years, our family has tried to take some different approaches to the winter holidays to bring it back to Christmas. We've done alternative gift giving, taken a family vacation in lieu of a big holiday celebration, and engaged in Advent studies. Last December, my husband and I took a trip to the mall in mid-December and came to the realization that we were the only seemingly happy people to be found in the place, all because we had absolutely no gifts to buy!! It was beautiful, and I think we were able to truly enjoy the season.

This year, I've decided to embark on a new bring back the true holiday quest. I am going to make a public pledge to not turn myself in any way toward Christmas until at least December 1st. No decorating, no carols (except in cantata practice), no gift planning or purchasing, no decoration purchasing, no Christmas card purchasing, no holiday baking or prepping for holiday baking until at least December 1st! I am going to fully appreciate the season of Fall and celebrate Thanksgiving without looking forward to the next big event. I am going to take my time and truly enter into a season of Advent so that I may fully appreciate the gift of Christ into a world of so much need. Heck, maybe we'll be true traditionalists this year and not celebrate Christmas until Christmas, and then enter the 12 days of Christmas and celebrate Epiphany. Okay, that might just be crazy talk. :-) But you get the point.

My question now is, are you up for the pledge? Can you leave "Mas" to the masses in order to focus on the Christ in the midst of it? Will you pledge with me to restrain from the season until at least December 1st?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 136: Wait For Me!!

2010-10-26T08:43:00.000-05:00

My boys are both absolute "mama's boys". What that translates to is wherever Mama is, that's where they are. On the rare occasion that someone other than Grandma, Grandpa or Auntie calls, I try to disengage myself from the noise of having a two and a four year old boy by walking to a seldom used corner of the house so that I can fully grasp why someone who is not Grandma, Grandpa or Auntie would be calling. The caller usually gets through the first sentence before my rowdy ones descend and I'm left trying to piece-meal together the conversation I was having. I've given up daily showers. They boys always want to take one too, and our shower was really only made for one. Sometimes I go and hide in the bathroom to read a magazine, but just when I get into an article, the boys come barreling in slamming every door along the way. I could lock them out, but the last time I did that we ended up with a sofa covered in raw egg, so it's really best to have them in eye-sight or ear-shot at all times.

Lately, my two-year-old has been calling, "Wait for me!" whenever I get even a step in front of him. Actually, with his tendency to take the first letter off of every word it actually is, "Ate or eee!" As I was waiting for him to catch up the other day (which took all of two seconds) I thought, "This is what God does all the time!" Not only does God call out, "Wait for me!", but he also waits patiently on the other end of a situation for us to catch up!!

How many times do we try to run ahead in any given situation, only to end up back at the start? I try to be a patient person. Yet unfortunately, it is one of the fruits of the Spirit I don't always work to cultivate. Recently, I was faced with a life situation in which I lost my patience. I decided God wasn't moving fast enough for me to resolve the issue, so I took it upon myself to make some headway. I heard God calling out to me, "Wait for me!" But I was warmed up and ready to run. So, run I did. In the end, I had a month of undue worry and stress which put me right back where I started in the first place. I didn't wait, but God did. When I had lost my race, God was waiting right back at the start. Wouldn't you know, the moment I slowed down to wait for God, God began working to resolve the situation in his way--the better way.

Psalm 27:14 exhorts us to "Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord!"
Lamentations 3:26 also reminds us that "it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord."

So, how's your patience been, lately? Are you waiting? God's plan is perfect. The question is, can we wait?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 135: Living Expectantly

2010-10-22T09:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, after a brief hiatus in which my computer went with my husband to Chicago (truly, I missed my husband more) we are back online. I've been thinking the past week about praying expectantly. It's part of a Bible study I'm leading. I've realized, through the course of this study, that I do not always pray with expectation. And, I've found that if I'm not praying with expectation, then I am not living with expectation. I don't bring everything to God, because deep down, I don't always believe that God cares. I also worry at times that God won't hear or act on my prayers because I am not "good enough". As a life-long Christian, I know in my head this is not true. But my heart doesn't always live it out. And so, I've decided that I am going to embark on a journey to live expectantly. I worship a God, THE God, who created the world and all that is in it. He knows every hair on my head, and yours as well. He parted the sea with a word, breathed life into the dead, and is the only being who has ever EVER pulled off a true resurrection! I need to expect more!!

I need to wake up each morning feeling that God has exceeded himself in just giving me another day with my husband and my boys, another day in which I can get out of bed and work for him. And, I need to revel in God's faithfulness, praising God for providing for me each and every day, for knowing the plans he has for my life. I need to live expectantly.

So, my question for you is this: Where has God exceeded your expectations?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 134: Twit or Tweet?

2010-10-18T08:09:00.001-05:00

Okay, I have a confession to make. I don't like Twitter. I just don't get it. On a cultural level, I feel like it's an incredibly narcissistic tool that serves to further the self-centered nature of our society. On a social level, I feel like it diminishes the concept of meaningful relationships. A meaningful relationship is one in which you know the very heart of the person you are in relationship with, not what time they eat breakfast each morning. And on a personal level, I just don't think there's that much in my life that is instant-news worthy.

However, for the benefit of the faithful Tweeters out there, I thought I'd give it a go for a day. Let me know the final outcome. Are they notes from a twit, or sincere tweets?

4:45 A.M.-Boys up and demanding juice--Stephen wants bacon.
5:00 A.M.-Dog ate Stephen's bacon.
5:15 A.M.- Garrett wants yogurt.
5:20 A.M.-Stephen wants yogurt.
5:30 A.M.-Curl up in recliner with blanket over my head and threaten life and limb of anyone who disturbs me.
6:00 A.M.-Give up and work on Bible study--focus on abundance of God which does not include sleep.
6:40 A.M.- Compose what I hope to be an Encouraging Word to Bible study participants--can't be sure because am sleep deprived.
7:00 A.M.- Cat eats Stephen's bacon--refuse to make anymore.
7:15 A.M.- Contemplate exercise while eating peanuts.
7:30 A.M.- Blog instead
8:15 A.M.- Drag out exercise bike to exercise--tell Stephen he has to wait his turn.
9:00 A.M.- Make egg whites with cheese and toast a piece of home made bread--top with butter.
9:05 A.M.- Pour coffee, add CoffeeMate and Splenda--pour Stephen a splash of coffee with milk.
9:07 A.M.- Get Garrett some yogurt.
9:08 A.M.- Get Stephen some yogurt.
9:30 A.M.- Clean up kitchen while cartoons are still on
10:00 A.M.- Get self and Stephen dressed--Garrett piddling.
10:05 A.M.- Tell Garrett to hurry up.
10:10 A.M.- Tell Garrett to hurry up.
10:30 A.M.- Off to the classroom for school.
10:40 A.M.- Threaten to send both boys to the office for behavior issues.
10:50 A.M.- Craft activity.
11:10 A.M. Clean up remains of craft activity and run bath to remove paint from boys--hope it is indeed "non-toxic"
11:30 A.M.- Clean up bathroom after deluge of water covers floor from boys splashing in bath.
11:45 A.M.- Make lunch for boys.
12:00 P.M.- Make lunch for Chris and I while yelling "Take a bite!" periodically into the dining room.
12:25 P.M.- Sit down for lunch--Stephen wants Kool-Aid.
12:30 P.M.- Sit down for lunch--Garrett wants water.
1:00 P.M.- Clean up lunch dishes and prepare to make bread.
1:10 P.M.- Boys want to help and arm themselves with measuring cups-- move flour out of reach.
1:30 P.M.- Bread rising--clean kitchen--again.
1:45 P.M.- Decide to go to library--find shoes for boys.
2:00 P.M.- Shoes on--must find library books to return.
2:10 P.M.- Books found--heading for wagon in garage--realize library card is still in purse--back inside.
2:15 P.M.- Off to library!!
3:15 P.M.- Home with bag of books--Mickey Mouse, Clifford, Thomas, Seuss, Froggy and Olivia have all come home to entertain.
3:35 P.M.- Cuddle up in recliner with boys to read new books.
4:10 P.M.- Go outside for nature walk.
4:11 P.M.- Stop to pick up leaves.
4:13 P.M.- Stop to pick up nuts.
4:15 P.M.- Stop to chase cat.
4:23 P.M.- Cross the street after boys run cat up into a tree and head for home.
4:25 P.M.- Stop to pick up leaves.
4:27 P.M.- Stop to pick up nuts.
4:29 P.M.- Stop to watch squirrels play.
4:35 P.M.- Daddy passes us on his way home from work--consider bumming a ride for the last block.
4:36 P.M.- Stop to pick up rocks.
4:38 P.M.- Stop to pick up leaves.
4:40 P.M.- Stop to watch another cat--see home straight ahead--just out of reach!!
5:50 P.M.- Sit down to dinner.
5:55 P.M.- Stephen wants milk.
6:00 P.M.- Sit down to dinner.
6:05 P.M.- Garrett needs Kleenex.
6:10 P.M.- Sit down to dinner--attempt to talk to Chris over din of boys.
6:30 P.M.- Let boys run wild--encourage the chasing of cats.
7:00 P.M.- Jammy time--ecstatic!! Garrett piddling.
7:05 P.M.- Stephen dressed--Garrett still piddling.
7:20 P.M.- Garrett finally dressed--both boys out in living room ready to read.
7:45 P.M.- Lights out!
8:00 P.M.- Stephen out!!
8:45 P.M.- Garrett out!!
9:00 P.M.- Mommy out!!

Confession 133: Heart of Worship

2010-10-16T11:33:00.000-05:00

This is an article I wrote for our church's weekly newsletter on the importance of worship. I thought it might be good before Sunday! :-)

As I’ve been reflecting on the importance of worship this past week (yes, I really do sit around and think about Chris’ sermons!) an experience has come back to me that reminds me of the true heart of worship. Several years ago, Chris and I were working in a church that had, I felt, an extremely BORING service. I thought the music was too old and too slow, the prayers too long and the traditions, well, too traditional. One Sunday during praise and worship time, my sister and I were griping to each other about the music. I leaned over to her and made some snarky comment which had us both laughing out loud when I turned around and looked behind me. There was an older gentleman standing just behind us, worshiping with his adult son. He was not a tall gentleman, and it occurred to me in that moment that each time I leaned over to chat and laugh with my sister, I was blocking his view of the screen on which the song lyrics were printed.

God convicted me in that moment in a way that wiped the smug smile right off of my face and tore open my heart. Not only had I hindered myself and my sister from worshiping God that morning, I was hindering the gentleman behind me as well!!

In that moment, there was only one response I could make. I knelt at the altar rail during prayer, humbled and ashamed, and begged God’s forgiveness for my arrogance and insensitivity. I also asked God to be present with me in worship, to help me fix my eyes upon him and to truly cultivate within me a heart for worship.

This became my prayer each Sunday as I entered into service. I prayed for focus, I prayed to experience the presence of God, and I prayed that others would do the same. As the months passed, I found that it was no longer an effort for me to experience God in worship. I stopped being so focused on the outside elements of worship (like music and traditions) and focused on its true purpose—to draw us into the heart of God. Worship became sacred to me in a way it never had before. Now, when I enter into worship, it is with the conviction and assurance that I will encounter the living God, our creator God, my redeemer God. The music no longer matters, the traditions no longer matter, the length of the pastoral prayer no longer matters. God is there and I am there to praise him and receive his Word. That is the heart of worship.

As you respond to Chris’ challenge in the next week, remember that it’s not a question of “fixing” worship but a question of what you would be willing to change about your worship so that people who have never experienced the presence of God would have that opportunity-- that they would learn to worship in the heart of God.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 132: Surprised?

2010-10-11T10:13:00.000-05:00

We are in the midst of the abundance portion of the study Faithful, Abundant and True by Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer and Beth Moore. Priscilla Shirer (who may be my new favorite go-to Bible study gal!) made the point that not only is God able, but he also surprises us. One of the conclusions I've come to over the years is that our cynical, post-modern notions of the world have pushed us to push God into a box. We put limits to what God can do, as evidenced in our need to discover exactly how the world was made. We put our hope in human beings to solve our problems and then get disappointed when they ultimately fail...ie, medical malpractice suits, snarly politicians and national gripe fests. We forget, as Ephesians 1:19-20 tells us, that there is an "incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength God exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms."

We serve a God who CAN and DOES in wonderfully miraculous and absolutely surprising ways!! When I graduated from college 12 years ago I had my life planned out. Yet, four years later I was moving away from everything I knew and loved to go to seminary (What!?) to chase this new calling God had put upon my life. Little did I know that God had a magnificent plan far greater than what I could ever imagine. The course of my life changed with that move in a way I could never have planned. God not only surprised me, but he also showed me the richness of his abundance and blessing in following the road he laid out for me. I'm not saying it's been all sunny days with the smell of roses, but it has been blessed. And to think, I would have missed it all had I not let God out of the box!!

So, my question for you today is: Where has God surprised you? When in your life have you been able to shout "God is ABLE!"? I want to hear your stories. I want to celebrate together our God who empowers us to do all things through Christ from whom we get our strength.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 131: Unqualified

2010-10-06T19:38:00.002-05:00

As I continue to maneuver through this job-hunting process, I have come to the realization that after investing over 50,000 dollars in higher education I am essentially unqualified to do anything!! It's true. One look at my resume would tell you that in an instant. Here's how it starts:

Enthusiastic, certified English / Language Arts Teacher with seven years experience providing students with the self-discipline and communication skills necessary to achieve personal and professional goals. Skilled educator with experience using constructivist, cooperative learning, and inquiry-based techniques to capture student interest and improve knowledge retention. Personable, respected school leader who builds rapport and communicates effectively with diverse audiences.

It's okay, until you get to my degrees--the product of the $50,000 of education. B.A. in Secondary English Education and M.A. in Christian Education will just about get you a nickel and a cup of coffee in these tough economic times. Employers want hard skills, none of which I seem to have. And, as the face of education changes, my teaching license means less than it did when I started 10 years ago, although it is valid until the year 2110! Don't worry--this isn't going to turn into the woes of the out-of-work English teacher--it's just a fact that in the eyes of those who have money for people to earn I happen to be unqualified to earn it. I envy those people who have fixed their eyes on one goal and done all in their capacity to achieve it. My husband is like that. He felt the call to ministry at the age of 13 and has, with a few detours, followed it through ever since. I think I tend to approach life more like a smorgasbord--try a little of this and then move onto that. It's not that I don't have a goal--I felt both called to teaching and writing at an early age. It's just that God has taken me to some very different places, for which I am grateful.

But here is what has occurred to me and continues to give me hope on this winding journey of what to do with my life. In God's eyes, I am fully qualified to do whatever he has created me to do! One of my favorite verses that I tell myself at least once a week is found in Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God made us each unique, important, and highly qualified in the body of Christ. Look at the people God has called throughout Scripture to act on his behalf. None of them seemed "qualified" in human eyes. Abraham was an old man, Moses was an outlaw with a stuttering problem, Jacob was a weasel, David was a skinny sheep herder, Mary was a teenage girl from the wrong side of town and Paul was one of the biggest bullies the church had yet to see. Yet each of these individuals was fully qualified to carry out the task God laid before them, for God gave them everything they needed to succeed. God does not ever look at our resume and pronounce us unqualified for the task at hand. Instead, he sees our strengths and builds us up to carry out his will. And so, in closing, I leave you with this passage from Hebrews 13:

^{May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the Sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be the glory forever and ever. Amen.}

^{Blessings and Peace,}

^Sara

Confession 130: Trust--A New Hair-Do

2010-10-02T08:44:00.000-05:00

My hubby and I will have been married for six years this month. Now, I know for many of you out there this is merely a drop in the bucket and we might as well still be newlyweds. But for us, six years seems pretty big. It's not that we expected anything different, we went into marriage as "lifers", but there's a sense of satisfaction in seeing the numbers start to add up.

I believe that marriage is like anything else you do in life. One, you have to choose to work at it. And two, there are natural ebbs and flows to the relationship you have to be prepared for. Lately, Chris and I have been in an ebbing period brought about by all of the transitions of our move in July. Chris is working hard to get his feet under him in a new congregation while starting a doctoral program, we've all been adjusting to my unemployment, and we're raising toddler boys. We've been present for everyone except each other. After a good heart-to-heart earlier this week, we've both been making an effort to focus more on the flow of our relationship, being the partner the other one needs rather than focusing on our own needs.

One of the things I love about my husband is his absolute steadfastness when it comes to his love for myself and our family. I trust Chris. I trust his judgment, I trust his abilities as a leader, I trust his ability to problem-solve, I trust his instincts, and I trust in his ability to cut my hair. Yes, you heard that last one right. I let my husband cut my hair!! Chris is a very detail oriented person, and when he begins a project, he is steadfast in making sure it is done the right way. I desperately wanted a hair-cut, did not want to invest the time or money in finding a new hair stylist, so decided that my wonderful husband with his attention to detail, gifts for design and spatial reasoning ability could do the job. I mean, he cuts the boys' hair, right? Before beginning, Chris made me say out loud that this was all my idea and that he took no responsibility in the end result. We were good to go!

I told Chris I wanted a bob cut following the line of my chin. His first cut was up to my cheekbone. I will admit to a moment of uncertainty, but the cut had been made and there was no going back. Chris worked slowly and methodically, focusing on the detail of the design, as is his nature. After making the final cut, he stood back for the examination. "Well?" I asked. "It's cute," he replied. I ran to the bathroom to take a look. I am happy to report that my faith and trust in my husband has not been misplaced. The cut is indeed "cute" and doesn't look at all like a home "whack job". I'll post a picture later and you can judge for yourself. Chris tells me he's not doing it again, at least not for a long time, so I guess I'll have to eventually invest in finding a professional. But it is nice to know that I can truly trust this man God has made as my partner and soul mate with anything--even my hair!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 129: Things Your Pastor's Wife Doesn't Want You To Know

2010-09-26T21:20:00.000-05:00

As a pastor's wife, there are many roles I take on. There are the church roles--provide hospitality, help lead worship, teach Sunday school, facilitate Bible studies, pray with people, keep my boys' hands out of the offering plate and their bodies from swinging around the altar rails. Then, there are the general public roles--be gracious to everyone you meet, visit local businesses, take your kids to community events, and pull your kids all around town in a little red wagon. (Okay, maybe that last one is not a role every pastor's wife takes on, but I count it as my exercise for the day!) If you work full-time, or part-time, there are the various roles that go along with that. And, you get to be a single mom half the nights of the week which, depending on when your kids go to bad, isn't always a bad thing since possession of the remote control becomes completely yours! I cannot count the number of times my hubby has come home from church in the evenings and has had his sporting event plans thwarted by PBS or the History Channel. :-)

All of the above is common knowledge to anyone who has been around a pastor's wife for about five minutes, and it's something that is written in fine print on the marriage license which means, it's just a part of our lives. I don't think many of us would complain. But, there are some things that might surprise you about your pastor's wife and, in an effort to further the cause of globalization, I'm going to reveal them.

1. Pastor's wives let laundry pile up. It's true, sad to say, that there is a mound of laundry waiting to be washed in each of our bedrooms in our parsonage, and a hamper full of clean clothes waiting to be folded which my husband has probably added dirty socks and t-shirts to the top of.

2. Pastor's wives lose their tempers with their children. For instance, just this morning when my oldest pooped in his pants for the second time in a week after pooping in the potty three times in a row, 35 minutes before I needed to leave for church, still in my robe with a towel on my head, with my youngest running around in just a diaper--I flipped. After yelling at him for a full 3 minutes (it's all I had to give) and demanding that he hand over all of his Thomas the Train underwear, he happily skipped out of his bedroom with his so last year Cars underwear and the blue and white striped shirt that matched them perfectly.

3. Pastor's wives bribe their children to get them to behave in church. I always have cookies or crackers ready in the pew for my boys. And, if that fails, I threaten the nursery. I also sometimes allow them to eat a sucker on their way to church as a sort of good faith bargain.

4. Pastor's wives have a secret love affair with premium roast coffee. Seriously, ask a pastor's wife to recommend a coffee shop sometime. You'll get every coffee shop within a ten mile radius, a map that would rival Google itself, as well as a fail-safe menu for the ultimate coffee experience.

5. Pastor's wives don't iron. Okay, maybe that's just me. But really, can someone actually give me a concrete reason to engage in such an antiquated tradition? It's what the dryer is for!! :-)

6. Pastor's wives each have one activity they feel compelled to do that they secretly detest. Mine is football. Hate it--always have, always will. However, when over half your congregation turns up at the local high school stadium each Friday night, it's generally good to go, even if your kids see it as an opportunity to run in circles around the grandstand, try to steal drinks from the concession table and repeatedly jump on the aluminum seats.

7. Pastor's wives love being pastor's wives. This is probably the most important secret of all. Don't let that harried frazzled look fool you--it's carefully put on and cultivated. We love it. We love our pastors. We love our churches. We love our people. And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, we would rather be!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 128: Being Weightless

2010-09-22T08:19:00.000-05:00

My sister, brother-in-law and I recently started a Biggest Loser competition amongst ourselves which will run to the New Year. Whoever loses the biggest percentage of body weight by New Year's Day will be the winner. We were supposed to start by weighing ourselves Sunday morning. So, I got a cheap scale over the weekend (the boys drowned ours in our soaker tub at our last parsonage) which happens to be resting comfortably in its box on our bedroom floor. I CANNOT bring myself to step on the stupid thing!! The thought of stepping onto that scale and seeing precisely what I've done to my body over the past few years is terrifying! I already can't button half of my pants, do I really have to have a number to put with it too? My heart is palpitating just thinking about it! Yet, if I want to be back into my size 12 clothes by Christmas, I'm going to just have to suck it up (not in) and do it!

In thinking about my big weigh-in, it occurred to me that perhaps this is how many non-church goers feel about walking into church. Not the fatness, but the fear and anxiety that comes when you feel you're not good enough. In the past, there has been this notion that in order to be a Christian you have to be "good". Christians have it all together, have all the answers, are "holy" and better than others. For most of us Christians, the reality could not be more different. We are not always "good", our lives are messy, we have tons of questions and are "holy" works-in-progress.

The point is that, much as I try to suck-in and ignore my burgeoning weight, so many Christians try to suck their lives in on Sunday mornings to paint a pretty picture for others around. Yet, if we want to truly witness to the message of Christ, we have to be willing to put it all out there. We have to be willing to say to others, "Yeah, my life can be a mess, but God loves me anyway!" We need to let non-Christians know that they don't have to conform to any standard, or fit any sort of mold to receive the love of Jesus Christ.

I remember a sermon illustration in which a pastor took out a crisp, clean ten dollar bill. He showed it to the congregation, then proceeded to crumple the bill into a tight little ball. The new bill was now thoroughly wrinkled. In addition, the pastor tore the edges around the bill so that it appeared frayed and disheveled. His point was that no matter what the bill looked like, it was still worth ten dollars. The same can be said for God's love for us. It doesn't matter what our lives look like--crisp and clean or wrinkled and frayed--God loves us completely. We are his children and he wants to welcome us with open arms.

Church shouldn't be a weigh-in. Instead, people should feel weightless. "Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest." God will meet us wherever we are--we just need to come.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 127: Refiner's Fire

2010-09-21T07:40:00.001-05:00

My good friend Penny over at Living Above has graciously invited me to be a guest on her blog. So, if you're interested, check out my post on refinement over there. And while you're there, check out Penny's work. It's worth continued visits!
http://pennyfranklin-livingaboveministries.blogspot.com

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 126: Above All, Love

2010-09-15T14:09:00.001-05:00

This past weekend, we went to St. Genevive, Missouri for the wedding of my husband's cousin to a lovely young woman. The ceremony was held under the domed ceiling of a beautiful, ornate cathedral--the oldest cathedral west of the Mississippi I believe. It was simple, yet elegant and the bride and groom both glowed with the warmth of love they held for one another. One of the scripture passages used in the service was the same one my husband and I chose to have read on our wedding day almost six years ago. It has become one of my favorites:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

"Love Binds in Perfect Unity" is what I had engraved on my husband's wedding band. Love has always been one of my favorite words. The "ouh" vowel is soft and round around the palette while the consonant L slips lightly off the tongue. The harsher V is tempered by the "eh" on the end which provides a gentle expulsion of air. Like the brush of fingertips on bare skin, it is tender. And yet, it possesses the ability to grip you as tight as a mother's hand on her child in a crowded place. Love can be at once one of the most frivolous and one of the most powerful words in the English language, and while our society has mastered the art of frivolity, the love to which Paul writes is power incarnate.

So, what is it about love that has so much power? First, as Paul states, love acts as a binding agent. It pulls together virtues such as compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience and forgiveness. It is the thing that makes all of these other virtues possible. Can we show compassion and have not love for those to whom we show compassion? Can we forgive if we have not known the great love that makes all forgiveness possible?

Yet, there is more...

Perfect love drives out fear. 1 John 4:18

John writes that there is no fear in love because fear has to do with punishment, and love is not punishing. Rather, love is freeing. When we love, we are letting go of ourselves to focus on another. We do not worry about our own wants, issues, hang-ups, mistakes. Instead, we focus on the best we have to give to someone else. We learn how to meet the needs of others, to care for others, to lift others up, to heal others. For that is the ultimate goal of love.

Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for another. John 15:

And this is the penultimate power of love. We give--all that we have, all that we are--for the benefit of another. Martin Luther King, Jr. put it this way:

Power at its best is LOVE implementing the demands of justice. Justice at its best is LOVE correcting everything that stands against LOVE.

Can you imagine a world where the power of love was lived out every day? I believe it is this, precisely, that God is calling us to as Christians--to bring forth his kingdom in love. Jesus himself boiled the entire Gospel message down to these two things: 1) love God, 2) love others. What a beautiful command!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara