Confession 223: Crazy Boy

When Israel was a child, I loved him,  and out of Egypt I called my son... I led them with cords of human kindness,  with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them. Hosea 11: 1, 4

As a mother, I often worry about my children.  My boys are 3 and 5; very active, very curious, very "creative".  Some days I feel like I'm doing an okay job as a parent.  And then, there are the other days.  Lately, my 3 year old has been testing the limits of acceptability with his behavior.  Determined and defiant he must always do anything in the most difficult and challenging way possible following the path he has made rather than the path my husband and I would lay down for him.  The disciplinary measures that worked well with our 5 year old don't even cause my 3 year old to bat an eye.  We often joke that he will be lucky if we let him make it to age 4.  I know that God has made him strong and willful for a reason and that his determination will serve him well for some task in the future, but right now, it just makes me crazy!!  PLEASE Moms, tell me I'm not the only one!!!

I wonder, as I sit here telling my 3 year old to leave the new puppy alone for the umpteenth time this morning, if God himself doesn't have days where he just wants to throw his hands up with his stubbornly disobedient and rebellious children.  And why doesn't he?  He's the creator and source of all life.  He could just wipe us all out and start over again.  Likewise, I could place my 3 year old out on the lawn with a sign that says, "Free to a good home."  Believe me, I've been sorely tempted!!  But the truth is, for all of his challenging behavior, for all of his orneriness and "wildness", I love the little imp more than myself.  Because just as he is about to drive me over the edge he does something sweet and wonderful and beautiful that reminds me what a precious gift I have been given.

And, believe it or not, God thinks that you and I are his precious gifts as well.  He created us and loves us and wants us to love him.  He doesn't care how much money we make or how together we have it or how many times we screw things up or how many messes he has to clean up.  He just loves us and longs for us and wants to bless our lives.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 222: A Love Story

I was drawn to my husband the first time I saw him.  Really, it's the truth.  I don't know what it was, but I remember meeting him my first few days at seminary and thinking, "There's a guy I want to get to know better."  I was 26 years old when I met Chris and had never had a real "boyfriend".  Trust me, it wasn't for lack of trying!!  But I had finally come to the conclusion that God was protecting my heart for someone special and when I first saw Chris my heart was drawn his way.

Of course, he had no clue.  I suppose a "normal" girl would have actually talked to him and initiated some sort of friendly relationship.  I, being a big chicken, chose the more subtle approach of "friendly stalking."  Our apartment complex was in the shape of a horseshoe, with Chris' apartment directly across the lawn from mine.  He always had his shades open, so I used my powers of observation and quickly learned his schedule.  I enlisted the help of friends who had classes with him to strike up conversations and get to know him better on my behalf.  I would walk those friends to and from classes to "bump into him".  I threw parties and invited him over but could never work up the nerve to actually talk to him.  This went on for several months.  Finally, somehow, we started talking.  A week before Valentine's Day we decided to go see a movie together.  We followed the movie with some drinks and he walked me back to the entrance of my building before sprinting off to the warmth of his own apartment.  The next week, Valentine's Day, we made plans to go to an old movie theater in Wrigleyville to watch Casablanca with another couple.  A double-date.  Except, only 1/2 of the other couple made it to the show.  Our double date had turned into a girls night out.  And thus began the three month long saga of "Are we actually dating, or are we just friends?"

Finally, in May, after three months of hanging out and being good buds, Chris took the initiative and threw his arm around me during a movie.  From that moment on, we were a couple.  Seven months later, on Christmas Eve, Chris proposed.  Eight months after that we were married.  It's been seven years since we said "I do".  We have moved three times and brought two rowdy boys into this world.  Our marriage, as any other, has had its share of ups and downs.  But even in the down moments, I think about the way my heart was drawn to Chris that day nine years ago and I know that God was saving my heart for him.  And I thank God for that gift every day.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 221: Hemmed In

 You have searched me, LORD,
   and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me. Psalm 139:1-5

This morning I awoke with my 3 year old wedged in between my husband and I.  He's there most nights, pattering in sometime in the wee hours with his blankie in tow.  I toss him into the middle of the bed and he nestles down beneath the blankets, curling his little body into my big one and tucking his head under my chin.  With Mommy's arms around him and Daddy's hand upon him he settles himself into the sweet dreams of childhood.  Philosophies of child rearing aside, I know this time is short and it is therefore precious to me, even through the squirming and kicking.

As I was holding my son this morning I thought about the above passage, specifically the idea of being hemmed in.  It occurred to me that as my son nestled snugly between my husband and I, hemmed in on both sides, that this is precisely what God does for us.  You hem me in behind and before... We, God's children, are nestled snugly within him.  God wants us to rest sweetly in him, no matter what our lives may bring.  In the wee hours of our lives-- when the darkness seems so present, so pervasive, so prolonged--God says, "Come to me.  You are safe in this night."

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 220: Love Lessons

Posting about love today @ Seeds of Faith.  It's an old post, but it still rings true for me.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 219: Changing

See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19

Last week I was driving through the town where I was raised.  I took a detour and drove by my childhood home.  It is remarkable how much it looks the same, even down to the screen door.  I found myself wanting to pull over and walk inside.  In my mind, I saw myself pulling open the aluminum screen door and entering back into the world of my childhood; my personal Eden.  There would be the gold carpet on which I laid and colored pictures while listening to the cling of pots and pans in the kitchen and the distant voices of the announcers on the t.v. in the family room where my father watched football.  There would be our dining room chairs which my sister and I so often pulled into the living room and draped with blankets to make a tent.  And my room would still be painted a vivid pink, my bed adorned with quilts my grandmothers and great grandmothers had made; my personal sanctuary from the rest of the world.

And yet, the reality is that if I did indeed re-enter my childhood home I would find all of those things to be gone.  The carpet would be replaced with hardwood, the table would be that of someone else and my room would most certainly have not retained it's Pepto Bismal state.

It's hard for me to accept the truth that life is in constant change.  And it's hard for me to understand at times that change is a vital and necessary part of our existence.  If I had my way, things would always remain at the moment of my deepest contentment.  My oldest would always stay 5 and not leave for kindergarten next year.  My youngest would always shower me with hugs and kisses and say 100 times a day, "Mommy, I wuv you."  But if change never happened, we would never grow.  God, who never changes, uses change in our lives to move us closer to him.  I love this quote from author Mary Redding,  

"The road by which we travel toward God's future for us is rarely a straight one.  Twists and turns, detours and rest stops are natural parts of the journey." (Upper Room, Jan/Feb 2012)

In order to get to the places God wants us to be we have to be willing to change and grow.  More importantly, we have to accept and even embrace the changes life brings to us.  Sometimes those changes can be incredibly painful and seem impossibly unfair.  But we have this promise from God, that in ALL THINGS God works for the GOOD of those who love him!! (Romans 8:28)  I'm including a video of one of my favorite songs, Susan Ashton's "You Move Me". 

Blessings and Peace,
Sara