Confession 3: Death of the Supermom

I don't always enjoy being a mother. I realize that in the age of "The Supermom" this is an incredibly heretical statement, but it's true. It's not that I don't enjoy motherhood, or that I don't love my son. On the contrary, I do both. I view my son as a beautiful blessing from God, but all blessings can be a bit of a pain at times, can't they? I mean, the Israelites were blessed with the land of Canaan, but then there was the issue of those pesky Canaanites to resolve. In my son's case, our pesky issue is sleep. It's not that he can't sleep through the night; he can, and does, just not consistently. So, it's mornings like these, after I've been up with him a few times in the night and am tired and cranky that I think one baby-free night of sleep would be nice.

The problem with thoughts such as this, is that they elicit an immediate backlash of guilt and remorse from within. Our society has created this image of "The Supermom" in which such thoughts are unacceptable. As a mother, "The Supermom" says, you give yourself over completely to your child, and you love every minute of it. Not only does this logic seem dangerous to me, it doesn't seem humanly possible. Maybe it's just the people I hang around with, but I don't know any other moms who love every minute of motherhood. I also don't know many moms who don't want to get away from their children every now and then. We just don't talk about it. It's become one of the new taboos in our society. There's a lot of pressure out there to be "The Supermom". I remember an incident shortly after our son was born when my husband took our son to work with him for the afternoon so I could get some rest. I spent much of that time crying because of the guilt I felt being really happy to be free from our son for a bit. I still feel a little bad just thinking about that. But, that's the reality of motherhood. It's hard, and challenging, and consuming, and energy-draining. It's also one of the best things I've ever done and something I truly delight in every day. However, when you throw a marriage and full-time job on top of it, there's not a lot of room for yourself.

I've learned over the past eight months, that despite what "The Supermom" says, you can't do it all. When I'm fully devoted to my job, things slip at home, and when I'm fully devoted to home, things slip at work. There's no perfect balance. So, as my wise mother told me, you just have to figure out what sort of balance works best for you and then be comfortable with it. Forget "The Supermom". She's to motherhood what the Stepford Wife was to homemaker. The majority of us out there don't live in that world. (Check out Po Johnson's article for Time Magazine on this subject at http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1541260,00.html) Most of us moms out there love our children, we love being moms, but sometimes, we just need a break. Or, in my case, a nice long nap.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 2: Suburban Moms Gone Wild

I do not like dealing with adults. I used to think that there was a definite line drawn between the behavior and attitudes of adults and the behavior and attitudes of youth. The older I get, and the more experience I have working with adults disproves this theory completely. Especially when you live in the suburbs. Suburban living was a new concept to me a few years ago when we moved to this area. I spent the first part of my life in a small town and the latter years have been in more urban areas. Moving to the suburbs was a bit of a culture shock. I remember going to a local shopping center and feeling clausterphobic with all of the huge SUV's parked in the parking spaces, many of them sporting youth soccer stickers on the rear windows. Then there was the feeling of inadequacy as I watched woman after woman emerge from these SUV's looking trim, stylish, and Gucci-ed. My little Neon and I just didn't seem to fit. I've since gotten over that. I also got a Volkswagen. And, I've learned that there is a much darker side to suburbia which includes massive debt, high-stress, lack of intimacy and infidelity. One thing I haven't gotten over is this sense of entitlement that seems to seep into everything in the suburbs.

My husband has been battling this attitude for three years now in our church. Church members who run corporations think that they can bring those same attitudes and principles into running the church, regardless of the experience and expertise the pastors bring. Staff members fight each other for power and postition. Cliques are formed, alliances made. It's like middle school all over again. Then, there is my breastfeeding support group. Although I no longer attend the group meetings, I still participate in the web-post. Today, for the second time in just a few months, e-maill in-fighting has occurred. One woman sent out an e-mail about her negative impressions of a child-care facility she toured. Another woman, who uses the facility, took great offense and the e-mails started flying.

Now, I can handle these situations when working with my fifth graders. But these are adults. Doesn't that mean anything anymore? Judging by the newest spate of reality T.V. shows on the air this season, I would have to say no. I think we're taught in our culture to behave like perpetual junior high schoolers. It sells magazines, and makes for good T.V. Good ratings mean good business. However, I believe there is a reason we aren't all still in junior high school. The natural progression of life is that we grow and mature. We shouldn't be out there still behaving like 12 year olds. We, as adults, need to come back to adulthood. We need to forget what we think we deserve or should have, we need to stop being so thin-skinned and easily offended, we need to value good dialogue and learn the art of constructive criticism. More importantly, we need to set an example for our children, not let our children be the example for us.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 1: Blogging and Bloggers

I love to write. Really, that's the whole purpose for beginning this blog. I haven't done much writing lately. I have several excuses, but I'm not sure I'd call any of them good, my infant son being the exception. I just sort of came to a place where I stopped writing, and aside from the occasional tug when seeing a new writer interviewed on the Today show, didn't really care. However, as I've been reading through my husband's blogs lately (www.myemergingmind.blogspot.com), I've had this itch in my fingertips to start pounding down on a keyboard again. Blogging seemed to be a good place to start. I don't yet know where this blog will take me (or you, for that matter), but there are a few things that will define what this blog becomes.

First, I am a pastor's wife. I must confess that in general, I'm not a big fan of that term. It seems too trite, too dismissive. Yet, being the wife of a pastor does define you in some ways. When I tell people at work that my husband is a pastor, there's this instant, "Ohhh," (smile) "that's great!" It's as if being married to a pastor makes me an o.k. person somehow, and that's alright with me. Also, I've come to realize that pastors are pastors whether they're at church or not. Not only can we not go anywhere without running into church members, most of my husband's thoughts while at home revolve around church. Being a pastor is an all-consuming profession, so being married to one definitely plays a huge part in who you are.

Second, I am a new mother. I have an almost eight month old son at home, who fills a spot within me I never even knew existed. He's beautiful. Motherhood is an amazing journey that absolutely shapes and defines who you are as an individual and, therefore, will probably play a big role in this blog.

Third, I am a professional youthworker. That term can take, and has taken, many different forms in my life. I went from high school teacher to seminary student to before and after school worker and am now running a before and after school program in the Kansas City, MO school district through an organization called the Local Investment Commission. (Check out their website: www.kclinc.org They do good work.) I have a master's degree in Christian Education and specialized in urban youth outreach. I'm not really using my degree to its full potential at the moment, other than teaching mid-high Sunday School at church, but I trust that it will eventually be money well-spent.

Last, but certainly not least, I am a Christian, and a United Methodist at that. My faith has always had a major impact on what I think and what I do. It will, in turn, have a major impact on what I write.

I think I'm going to enjoy this journey. Let me know what you think!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara